


Seeing You

by RedBlueRoses



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Absolutely incorrect description of alcoholism, Absolutely incorrect description of police officers working on a case, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One whole sex chapter, Out of Character (very likely)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-04-27 11:35:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14424573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedBlueRoses/pseuds/RedBlueRoses
Summary: After years of alcohol abuse, Sebastian finally realizes how exhausted Joseph is due to taking care of him and his drinking, and so tries to change for his friend...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so bad at summaries... This is an AU version of "The Evil Within" in which the events surrounding Mobius, Beacon, STEM etc. never happened. Because, let‘s be honest, it‘s difficult/complicated enough to bring Joseph and Sebastian together ;) , so be prepared for lots of angst, but also some fluff. And maybe something more at the end, I still don't know about that...
> 
> Trigger warning for alcohol abuse, implied suicidal thoughts and dead, mistreated children.
> 
> It might happen that every now and then I will adjust older chapters.
> 
> Sorry for my English, I‘m not a native English speaker.
> 
> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

_What a mess -  
_

Joseph frowned. Sebastian hadn‘t appeared at the precinct, but Joseph had had an idea what had happened.

Sebastian was on the couch of his living room, his limbs sprawled all over it. His shirt and trousers were crumpled and a bit dirty, smelling of his preferred cheap whiskey, the bottle knocked over on the ground. It wasn‘t the only bottle in the altogether messy flat, though.

Since they both knew each other for so many years, each of them had trusted the other one with a spare key for their respective appartments, just in case. That‘s how Joseph had let himself into Sebastian‘s flat.

Sighing, Joseph approached the older police detective, his partner. Sebastian was still holding a framed photograph of his family in one of his hands – his daughter Lily and his wife Myra, with himself on one side and Joseph on the other, all four smiling into the camera -

Ever since Sebastian had lost his little girl in this terrible fire three years ago, he had started drinking. It had been the main, though not the only reason, Myra had left him some time later. That led to Sebastian turning even more and more to the bottle. So Joseph wasn‘t really shocked to see Sebastian in this state, it wasn‘t the first time after all; but he didn‘t really know what to do. What to do anymore. With Sebastian.

Joseph smiled weakly. He remembered the day the picture was taken: at a picnic, organized by the Krimson City Police Department for the officers and their families, and Connelly, one of their colleagues, had been asked to be behind the camera. It was the last picture before Lily had died - Joseph hadn‘t seen the photograph for quite a while, Sebastian had probably kept it in a drawer, as to not be reminded too often of the occasion.

The younger man towered over Sebastian and cautiously shook his shoulder, as to not startle him too much.

"Hey, Seb, wake up..." Joseph said in a low voice.

Sebastian didn‘t move.

He shook his shoulder a bit more. Still no movement.

_There‘s something wrong._

Joseph lifted his gloved hand to Sebastian‘s face and brushed some strands of hair away to take a better look at him: Sebastian‘s face was rather pale, his closed eyes reddish.

_Oh, no..! "_ Sebastian, wake up!" Joseph‘s voice became louder and he started shaking him again, this time more frantically. A small streak of panic went through him, something he rarely felt. But this was Sebastian Castellanos, not only his detective partner, but also his best friend and - "Come on, wake up! Don‘t do this to me… Damn, I‘m going to call an ambulance!"

Finally, after several endless moments, Sebastian slowly opened his eyes.

"Awww..."

Sebastian‘s hand automatically went to his head that was pounding madly, squinting his eyes shut. The light hurt them, and his lids were heavy as lead anyway. Another problem was that the living room and the couch he was lying on were spinning somehow...

"Seb, you okay?" he heard a voice next to him saying. "I mean, considering the circumstances…"

He turned his head towards the voice and tried to focus on Joseph‘s face that looked down on him in a concerned way. Sebastian‘s features relaxed a bit.

PANG!

"Ouch, my head -" Sebastian hid his face into the couch pillow beneath him.

"Not so well, of course… I get you some aspirin."

Relieved, he took his jacket off and threw it on the small sofa next the couch. This would take a while… He first headed to the bathroom, and then to the kitchen, and came back after a minute with a glass of water, the aspirin fizzing in it.

With some curse words, Sebastian sat up. The photograph slipped to the ground next to the whiskey bottle, but Sebastian didn‘t seem to care. He took the glass, murmured an almost not audible "thanks" and drank its content away in one long gulp. Joseph plunged down on the small sofa next to the couch.

"Thank god you‘re awake, you really had me scared there for a moment," Joseph huffed in relief.

Sebastian rubbed his eyes, forehead and temples. He and Joseph both stayed silent for a while, except for Sebastian‘s occasional groaning.

"You were late again, Seb. You‘re coming late to work too often, recently..."

"Don‘t sermon me, Joseph -"

"I‘ve told you often enough to stop drinking, to get help -" The younger man lifted his hands in a gesture of helplessness. "Now even more, because it starts to interfere with your work."

"Work..." Sebastian chuckled bitterly. "I‘m tired of work..."

This was unusual. Despite all the terrible things that had happened to Sebastian, he would always put work first. Yes, sometimes he would come drunk to work, smelling a bit of alcohol, but he solved most of his cases. He had even worked more after Lily‘s death, raising the rate of solved crimes. That‘s why the department kept a blind eye on his misgivings.

"What do you want to do then? Quit?"

"I don‘t want to do anything anymore," Sebastian moaned and put his head into his hands.

"Sebastian -" In Joseph‘s mind, Sebastian had always been so strong, and not the kind of person who would give up easily. But maybe, maybe he slowly began to do exactly this - He gave Sebastian‘s shoulder a gentle slap and wanted to cheer him up. "Come on, you‘re the best detective in Krimson City -"

"I don‘t care anymore!" Sebastian interrupted. "I feel like the more criminals I catch, the more emerge from nowhere… Where‘s the point in all of this? It doesn‘t matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore -" Sebastian put his hands into his lap and slumped back on the couch. He looked at Joseph first, but then brought his gaze down on the coffee table.

A sting went through Joseph‘s heart. Of course, he was always aware that Sebastian never had had the same interest in him that he had in Sebastian; the young detective wasn‘t that foolish. But to hear now that he might not matter at all...

Joseph cleared his throat. He shouldn‘t give in to these kind of ridiculous thoughts and feelings, Joseph told himself, it was probably just the alcohol that was still speaking out of Sebastian. "You‘re going to bed now and sleep your booze off. I‘m telling them at work that you‘re sick."

Sebastian needed some time to respond. "Yeah… I guess you‘re right..."

He stood up, shaky on his legs. Joseph hurried to support the older man.

At least the aspirin was working quite fast, dulling the headache. They went to the bedroom where Sebastian layed down with Joseph‘s help. He even tucked him in, but Sebastian turned away.

"Perhaps I should stay..." Joseph offered, worried after all.

"No, no - I‘ll be fine after a few hours of sleep."

"Will you come to work tomorrow? When you feel better, I mean."

Something in Joseph‘s words and his voice tied a knot in Sebastian‘s guts. Maybe he shouldn‘t have said that nothing mattered anymore to him, because that wasn‘t entirely true. But it was so hard to talk to Joseph about certain things - "Yes, of course I will..." he assured.

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise..."

Joseph returned to the living room, still not sure if he should really leave. He grabbed his jacket, but remembered the photograph on the ground when his hand wrapped the door handle; he went back to take it up and perhaps hide it in the chest of drawers at the wall behind the couch. On second thought, Joseph put it on top of it. After a last glance to the bedroom, he opened the door of the flat and went out, closing it as quietly as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

Sebastian really came to work the next day. Though still with slightly dark rings under his eyes and with a bit of a headache, he somehow had found fresh clothes to wear and even had shaved. But the best part was that he hadn‘t drunk anything alcoholic – which was mostly owed to the fact that there hadn‘t been anything in his flat anymore – since he had more or less passed out on the couch before Joseph had woken him.

He seated himself at his desk and was greeted with a mug of freshly brewed coffee that was placed in front of him by Joseph, accompanied with a curt "morning".

"Thank you," Sebastian answered, giving the younger man a small smile.

Joseph didn‘t respond and returned to his own desk. As usual, he had been earlier at work than Sebastian, and it was a sort of morning ritual for him, for them both, bringing his detective partner his coffee. It was also a good way to observe the mood Sebastian was currently in. Not to mention that he was just glad to see Sebastian again, even if he hadn‘t shown it much. He immersed himself into some folders about a cold case he was researching.

Fortunately, there wasn‘t anything too demanding for Sebastian to do either. There was a big pile of folders waiting on his desk, it was some old paperwork that had to be finished.

But their chief had other plans for their supposedly quiet day. "Castellanos? Oda?" he called, coming to their desks, holding a folder in his hand. "I have a serial killer for you."

***

_Here we go again…_

Joseph had to puff under the heavy weight of his friend. He had wrapped one of Sebastian‘s arm around his shoulder, who clung drunkenly on Joseph, his head sunk on his chest, rather shuffling than walking.

It was sad, though. For more than a week or so, Sebastian somehow had managed to keep his drinking under control. He had turned up sober every morning at the precinct, and only had had two or three glasses every evening.

Perhaps the new serial killer case the chief had given them back then kept him busy and alert. Perhaps this new case also hit too close to home for Sebastian, and this renewed debauchery was just a short relapse. At least Joseph hoped so.

"Oh Joseph," Sebastian slurred, "you‘re my best friend… I can always count on you, rely on you… What would I do without you..." He even drooled on his beloved trenchcoat, grinning like an idiot to himself.

"It‘s alright, it‘s alright..." Joseph said through his teeth.

_Yeah, what would he do without you?_

***

"Originally, Juli Kidman was investigating this case. But she asked for a transfer to the police department in Union," the chief explained, handing the folder to Joseph. "And frankly speaking, I believe that it was too much for her - " His brows furrowed looking at Sebastian.

Joseph opened the folder while Sebastian came closer to also peer into it. Gruesome pictures of mutilated child corpses were awaiting them. It had been five children so far, and the photographs showed every one of them propped up on some kind of altar, under a sign both had never seen so far:

"I don‘t have any other people to set on this case," said the chief, almost apologetically.

 "Looks like some kind of cult," Joseph remarked, speaking to Sebastian.

The older detective sighed, but Joseph noticed a spark of anger in Sebastian‘s amber eyes. A sure sign that he definitely wanted to catch the bastards who had done this to the children.

***

Although he was used to it, it was still difficult for Joseph to open the door to Sebastian‘s appartment, trying to keep his balance fishing the key out of his jacket while lifting the other man as upright as possible.

Once inside, Joseph headed straight to the bedroom with Sebastian. He practically threw him on the mattress, making Sebastian almost bounce on it. Joseph then freed him from his trenchcoat and tie, and put his practiced hands to unbutton the vest.

Sebastian was grinning to himself again, crawling properly into his bed to lie on his side, away from Joseph. The younger man just stood there with the vest, then tossing it on the chair where the trenchcoat already was. He took Sebastian‘s shoes off, grabbed the blanket that was lying untidy at the foot of the mattress and covered him with it.

After a few moments, Sebastian already began to snore. Joseph looked at the back of his head and then left the bedroom. He closed the door slowly.

_Why are you doing this?_

Joseph had felt guilty after he had left Sebastian the other night, and lately had the same and the same thoughts rotating around in his mind -

Maybe he should have stayed at Sebastian‘s place, he hadn‘t been very well after all; maybe he should have called a doctor out of the same reason. He would have found an excuse to stay away from work, for one lousy day or two.

_Does it really matter?_

His glasses had slipped down his nose a bit, so Joseph shoved it up again. Recently, a certain feeling of resignation had started to settle upon him. What was he accomplishing by taking care of Sebastian? Changing him and his drinking? Or was he, somewhere deep inside him, even hoping for something entirely else by sacrificing himself, though he would hate to admit that - ? In the end, he was probably just enabling Sebastian‘s drinking…

And it seemed as if Sebastian took that for granted.

That wasn‘t true, he was sure of it. Joseph scoffed.

To distract himself, he took a closer look at the appartment. It was as messy as the last time he had been here, perhaps a bit messier: empty bottles in the kitchen and living room, dirty clothes lying around here and there, stains on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink… And the photograph from the picnic day wasn‘t on the chest of drawers anymore.

Joseph clenched his fist. It was all too clear that Sebastian didn‘t manage to keep a household, at least not properly.

It made also clear what Joseph had to do next. Sebastian couldn‘t possibly live between all this dirt and trash, and it wouldn‘t have been the first time he‘d cleaned up the flat. He trotted to the kitchen, found miraculously some garbage bags in a kitchen cabinet and began to collect all the empty bottles.

Not knowing if he was angry with himself or with Sebastian, Joseph didn‘t want to give in to these thoughts nagging in the back of his mind. It wasn‘t the first time that he had these doubts, but they became stronger and stronger. Tidying up, keeping himself busy would help him to let some steam off.

\---

After the bottles, the other garbage, the clothes and the dishes came the stains on the floor. Joseph was tired, it was about 10 pm, but he was armed with a bucket full of water and an appropriate cleanser, and a sponge. He kneeled down, dipped the sponge into the water and started scrubbing a big stain on the carpet floor behind the couch that must have been whiskey some time ago, according to the smell.

_You shouldn‘t be doing this._

With the tiredness in his limbs, the frustration about the whole situation slowly set in on Joseph again. Wasn‘t it humiliating, kneeling like this on the floor, late at night, cleaning it for the umpteenth time, for someone who wouldn‘t change, again and again?

_You should get laid -  
_

Joseph stopped dead in his motions for a moment. It was Friday night, and despite their work load with the new case, their chief had given him and Sebastian the weekend off, since they unfortunately hadn‘t discovered any new significant leads. Often, Joseph would go to a night club or bar on weekends, getting a few drinks for himself and finding someone for the night, no matter if man or woman. But that hadn‘t been the case in the last several months, not with Sebastian‘s drinking getting heavier, and Joseph hadn‘t really been in the mood for it. It was true, though, that he would have liked to have sex, and if it was just to forget the misery of it all for a short time.

The problem was that Joseph‘s only object of desire wasn‘t available in many ways, snoring and lulling in the next room.

Shaking himself out of these useless deliberations, Joseph continued scrubbing. This wasn‘t the right time for his lewd needs.

\---

At around one o‘clock, Joseph finally collapsed on the couch. The cleaning was done, the flat was almost shining again – unlike him – , and he considered just falling asleep on the spot. He threw his head back and let his arm fall off on the side of the couch in a manner of exhaustion, when his fingers touched a bottle.

Apparently, Joseph had missed this one. He lifted it and was surprised by its heavy weight: it was still full.

Joseph grumbled. He opened the bottle and took a swig.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for a veeery long introspection... And a terribly written serial murder case.

Sebastian woke up in the middle of the night, but without opening his eyes. He smacked his lips, turning on his side in the comfy bed.

Wait, how did he end up here? Sebastian scrambled his – for some reason – mushy brain to remember. So - Ah, yes - He had been drinking again. It had been in his favorite bar. Joseph had been driving him home. He had been standing in front of the door to his appartment, with Joseph trying to get them in. Then Joseph had stuffed him into his bed.

_Fuck, Joseph -  
_

„Aah -“ Sebastian‘s headache drew attention to itself and made his eyes spring open. Cursing, he sat up, holding the back of his head. He set his feet on the floor and waited until his surroundings steadied. Muffled noises came from the living room to his bed, entering Sebastian‘s foggy mind.

He got up and walked on his wobbly legs to the door. Was that Joseph he heard? Was he still here, in his flat?

Sebastian opened the door just enough to peek through it. Some light was streaming into his bedroom from a little lamp on the chest of drawers in the living room, and he had to blink. He was able to see the rear of the couch at an angle from where he stood.

A sorry scene presented itself in front of him, and Sebastian needed some time to comprehend what he saw, considering that the alcohol in his body blurred his senses. Joseph was sitting there, his upper body leaning on his knees. Was he - crying? The sounds that he made seemed to be sobbing, though rather quietly. Every now and then Joseph drank from a whiskey bottle.

For some minutes, Sebastian watched the younger man, taking turns in drinking and crying, either wiping his eyes or his mouth. Sometimes, Joseph‘s shoulders were shaking from the sobbing.

Not believing what he just had witnessed, Sebastian decided that he must be dreaming, just another of his usual nightmares... His friend wasn‘t the emotional or even crying type, despite many hardships and many terrible things they had both been through in their job. And Joseph would never drink like that.

Exhausted, Sebastian staggered back to his bed.

\---

The next time Sebastian woke up, he immediately opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was the alarm clock on his nightstand. The digital letters informed him that it was shortly past 4 am, and the sun was already dawning very faintly through the window.

He yawned and got up. His headache told him that he should go to the bathroom and get an aspirin. Because it was a bit chilly, Sebastian wrapped his blanket around his shoulders.

To get to the bath, Sebastian had to pass the living room, and that‘s when he discovered Joseph slumped on one side of the couch, mumbling a bit in his sleep.

So Joseph was still here. The little lamp was also on. It wasn‘t unusual that he would sleep here overnight. But Sebastian was concerned about his state: sitting rather uncomfortably, Joseph‘s tie hung loosely around his neck, his vest was unbuttoned and the collar of his shirt was open.

Which offered Sebastian the sight of Joseph‘s chest -

Sebastian‘s cheeks warmed up a bit and he looked away. He knew what Joseph looked underneath his shirt, his clothes - The department had a shower room and they sometimes would take a shower there after a long day. Standing next to each other, Sebastian would keep his disctance, as to either glance secretively at Joseph‘s body, or turn his back to him abashedly.

A pang of guilt went through him. Sebastian should rather think of making a proper bed for Joseph. Just when he wanted to go back to his bedroom to get some spare blankets, Sebastian spotted how tidy everything was in his living room. Frowning, he made a little tour through his apartment: every room, except his bedroom, had gotten rid of garbage, bottles, stains and other dirt.

Sebastian rubbed his face with his palm and sighed. Not again… He had never asked Joseph to clean up his flat, would never ask, and yet - Why did he do this, over and over again?! How humiliating it must have been for Joseph, tending his appartment in the middle of the night, while Sebastian had passed out drunk in his bed. Just as it was humiliating for himself right now. He didn‘t had the slightest idea how to ever repay Joseph for this.

_Damn, I could really use a drink -  
_

This was Sebastian‘s usual way to return Joseph‘s kindness: to get some booze. But no, drinking was the last thing he should do now, not this time. He finally stalked back to the bedroom, threw his own blanket away and hauled some other blankets out of his closet. He first put them on the small sofa to take care of Joseph.

Sebastian freed Joseph from his tie so that it wouldn‘t strangle him, eventually. Then he removed Joseph‘s gloves and examined his hands, holding them. It didn‘t happen very often that he would actually see them. He realized that he had never really asked Joseph why he was wearing the gloves all the time -

With finely manicured nails and long, graceful fingers, his hands were smaller than his own square ones, but very strong, as Sebastian had observed when Joseph would catch an escaping suspect or perp, putting handcuffs on him in an easy and almost elegant manner.

"Hrmph", Joseph shifted suddenly.

Sebastian stopped the marvelling to help Joseph get his much needed rest. He slipped the shoes off of his feet and took his glasses, placing them carefully on the coffee table in front of the couch. He then stretched Joseph out on the couch so that he was lying on his back, but his face was turned to Sebastian.

Only now Sebastian could study his face better. It was flushed for some reason, and his closed eyes were red.

He hadn‘t been dreaming after all. Joseph had really been drinking and crying earlier on.

Hovering over Joseph, Sebastian‘s foot touched something. He sat down on the sturdy coffee table and discovered the almost empty bottle of whiskey underneath it. With wide eyes, he retrieved the bottle.

_No, don‘t - He can‘t possibly -  
_

This might turn into an actual nightmare in the end - God, Sebastian would never forgive himself if he‘d pull Joseph into his own hell of booze. He wasn‘t used to drinking this kind of heavy stuff.

Putting the bottle down again with one hand, Sebastian reached out and cupped Joseph‘s cheek with the other. He let his thumb run gently over Joseph‘s eye. A small, but strong line was building between his eyebrows, and Sebastian noticed for the first time the many little wrinkes under his eyes.

"Seb-bastian..." Joseph said in his sleep.

Spooked, Sebastian retreated his hand. Did Joseph worry about him even in his sleep? Or was there more to it - ? How else would Joseph still take care of him, still _care_ about him and put up with the shit Sebastian was doing?

Sebastian propped his elbows on his knees to support his head, watching Joseph in his sleep, trying to bring some order in his thoughts. And feelings...

Joseph Oda. They knew each other now for – what, ten years? Since he had been introduced to him as junior detective, Joseph had been there when he had married Myra; Joseph had been there when Lily had been born; Joseph had been there at his little daughter‘s funeral; Joseph had been there when his wife had left him.

It was kind of strange that Joseph had so much to do with his own life, but that Sebastian knew so little about Joseph‘s life. He had told him that he originally came from Toronto in Canada, and even more originally from Japan, or better his parents; he would visit them every year for Christmas and New Year‘s. That was the only time when Joseph wouldn‘t be around him, or his family in earlier years.

But apart from that and their work, there wasn‘t much else. Joseph pretty much kept his private life just like that, private. Every now and then he would introduce a girlfriend, whose face or name Sebastian had already forgotten, but that always only lasted less than a year.

Sebastian also wondered how much Lily‘s death had affected Joseph. He had been practically like an uncle to her, she always had called him "uncle Jojo", and Joseph had also loved to play the part.

He shut his eyes. He didn‘t want to think about Lily.

Opening his eyes again, he tried to focus back on Joseph.

It was still a mystery to Sebastian how he had fallen in love with him, with a man on top of that. Well, when he was younger, there had been one or two guys he had been attracted to, but he had never acted on it. He was always more interested in the fairer sex, not to mention that he had learned to better stay on the straight side.

Sebastian hadn‘t fallen in love over night. When he and Joseph became partners, he had admired how fast the then junior detective was learning, and how calm and rational he always had been and was, the complete opposite of his impulsive self. After a while, Sebastian had been glad to see Joseph‘s smile, his dark brown eyes, his slim yet muscular body - And his cute little ass, as Sebastian had to admit to himself, rolling his eyes.

But back then, he had also met and fallen in love with Myra. He always wanted to have children and his own family, and that was a bit easier to have with a woman than with a man. He loved his wife and daughter – he continued to do so - , and in the end he had been a family man and couldn‘t just leave them. Not for a man.

Ah, it was so confusing, and nothing had changed after Lily and Myra. Everything had gone to the drains, to be honest.

The thing that had kept Sebastian going up in the morning the last years had been Joseph. Especially when he would bring him his coffee in the morning, usually with a big smile, was the highlight of the day for him. Though it always had been a highlight for him, next to Myra‘s and Lily‘s smile in the past. It had become a small ritual for them the younger detective had come up with when he began at the police department. Sebastian then would bring Joseph coffee for the rest of the day, if possible. He hadn‘t done that for a long while.

Thinking about this made him sadder than he already was. Joseph‘s smile had faded more and more over the years when he came with a mug of fresh coffee. Sure, there were days or sometimes weeks when he wouldn‘t smile with it, but that was quite normal when they had hard cases to crack.

But since the time Joseph had found him drunk on the couch last time, things were a bit different at the department with him. He hadn‘t been smiling while giving him his morning coffee the next day. That hadn‘t been so alarming, and they still were a great team on the new case. Still, hadn‘t he been more - distant? Joseph often brushed him off, though he couldn‘t exactly put his finger on it. It was more of a hunch, Sebastian‘s detective instinct telling him that something was wrong, apart from the usual chaos in his life, in both their lives.

Perhaps he was only imagining things. Just like he was imagining other things about Joseph -

Ever since Myra had left him, Sebastian most of the time would have liked to hold Joseph in his arms. He often would have liked to kiss him on his full lips. He sometimes touched himself dreaming of Joseph in an unseemly fashion -

Sebastian was embarrassed by himself, using Joseph like this, and in so many other ways. He hadn‘t been intimate with anyone since Myra, and he somehow fortunately had managed to never - get too close to Joseph, even when he was drunk. Thank god for small mercies.

Was Joseph kind of angry with Sebastian because he had said that nothing mattered anymore to him, in a very desperate moment? He surely hadn‘t taken that too seriously?

Apparently Joseph had done so. His voice had sounded a little strained when he had asked if Sebastian would come to work the next day -

Moments after he had said that nothing mattered to him anymore, Sebastian had regretted it. Although he had meant it the _very moment_ he had at said it, but he had been at an utter loss at that time.

The evening before he passed out, he had been searching for something in his flat. He couldn‘t remember what it had been, and because his place was so messy, searching wasn‘t easy.

His search directed him to the chest of drawers behind the couch. He drew the bottom drawer open and found the photograph of the picknick day -

The grief hit him hard; he had nearly erased the memory about the occasion the picture had been shot. This photograph was the last one of his family he still had, the one he had kept in his office, all the others had been burned in his former house – just as Lily had…

Sebastian buried his face in his hands, his eyes prickling. The other night, he had overdone it with his "mourning", and after Joseph had told him to sleep his drunk off, he had woken up to find the photograph on top of the chest. Joseph must have put it there... Back then, Sebastian had thrown it into the bottom drawer, where it belonged to, in his opinion.

To have a look at the younger man again, Sebastian propped his hands back under his jaw. Joseph was also on the picture... That was also a reason for his drinking that night.

Maybe Joseph had wanted to tell him something by setting the photograph on a spot were he would see it. Maybe he wanted to tell Sebastian to finally accept the past and move on -

Move on - with Joseph?

It was very hard to believe this. And Joseph certainly deserved better than an old fart like him.

And at the moment, it wasn‘t easy to "move on" anyway. The case with the children killed by some kind of religious cult had already taken a toll on him -

***

"You‘re sending us home?!" Sebastian thought he misheard. "We‘re no school kids!"

The chief shook his head. "You‘re already wrecking yourselves over this case! You haven‘t gone home in – what, three or four days? You‘re nothing worth to me or the case half-dead with no sleep!"

"But -"

"Seb, he‘s right, we‘re running in circles here anyway," interrupted Joseph with half-lidded eyes. "We talked to the parents of the dead children, we talked to everyone who knew them, and still we haven‘t found out more than Kidman did."

Kidman‘s files had revealed that each child had been missing for about three to four months prior to their death, and all of them had come from poorer families. The perpetrators - followers of the MU Cult, as it called itself according to the prior investigations - , very likey had assumed that a search for these kind of kids wouldn‘t happen too quickly. Sebastian and Joseph had read in the autopsy report that every child had been tortured and mistreated several hours before they had been murdered, so that death may have been a salvation.

"We can‘t just take a break, and let these people abuse and kill another child!" yelled the older detective.

"Every child died around full moon," Joseph mentioned calmly, "and the last full moon was last week, when we began investigating."

"Yes, I know, but -"

"I know that, too, that‘s why I‘m giving you the weekend off," the chief protested, "and that‘s an _order_."

Joseph stood up from his desk and took his jacket and Sebastian‘s trenchcoat from the hanger on the wall. Giving Sebastian his coat, he sighed: "We‘ll team up with the missing persons unit on Monday and look for potential victims."

\---

Sebastian stomped out of the department, Joseph hurrying to be by his side.

"I cannot believe he‘s doing this!" complained Sebastian, stuffing his fists into the pockets of his trenchcoat. "He must be reading the news! The pressure we‘re under!"

"He‘s risking a lot by doing this, but he‘s right. I want to catch these guys as much as you do," Joseph responded, "but you must admit that we need the rest -"

 "What I need now is something to drink -"

 "Seb, please, you did so well the last days -"

Of course, Joseph was aware of the secret whiskey stash in Sebastian‘s desk; although 'secret' wasn‘t the right term, probably half of the department knew about it.

Sebastian snorted. "Yeah, that means I have to catch up a lot!"

"Perhaps you‘re past drinking‘s also a reason for the chief‘s drastic measures -" And the chief also had noticed who took care of Sebastian...

Abruptly, Sebastian halted. He glared angrily at Joseph.

_This wasn't a good idea, or time for this._

Joseph let his shoulders hang. "I‘ll drive you home later..."

After a while, Sebastian turned away. "You don‘t have to do this."

Without an answer, Joseph followed Sebastian to his favorite bar.

***

And so, they had ended up here. Joseph hadn‘t even properly tried to keep him away from drinking.

Sebastian knew they couldn‘t go on like this, and that he had to do something, he just didn‘t know how, or what. They both couldn‘t go on like this.

For now, he tucked Joseph under two blankets. Seeing him like this, utterly exhausted, Sebastian stroke the young man‘s tousled and sweaty raven hair gently. On a whim, he leaned into Joseph and gave him a light kiss, first on his temple, then on his forehead. Sebastian thought of the line between Joseph‘s brows, so he pressed his lips over that spot, too. It appeared as if the line became softer -

Sebastian stood up as slowly as his headache would allow, switched off the lamp on the chest and disappeared again into his bedroom, hoping that Joseph was comfortable enough. He had forgotten about the aspirin.


	4. Chapter 4

There was some kind of smell in the air, a delicious one that was tickling Joseph‘s nose.

Twitching it made Joseph wake up.

"Aaaargh -"

Joseph lifted his head a little and pulled his hand from under the blanket to touch his forehead. His head felt as if an axe wanted to split it open, and obviously punished him for the whiskey.

_Where am I?_

Moaning quietly, Joseph let his head fall back on the arm rest. He was _lying_ on the couch, snuggled under some blankets, that much he could make out, despite his brain swimming. The last thing he remembered was that he had been _sitting_ on the couch, putting that cheap stuff into him.

He also remembered how he had been crying -

Joseph sat up at once, setting his feet to the ground, which wasn‘t a very good idea. Everything was turning around and he needed several moments under heavy breathing until his surroundings came into focus again. He regocnized his tie, gloves and glasses on the table, his shoes under it. How had he ended up covered with blankets?

Ah, yes, he was in Sebastian‘s flat. And it had been _his_ whiskey Joseph had drunk last night.

Leaning back into the couch, Joseph drew the blankets closer to himself. Sebastian had found him and had tucked him in.

The nice smell found it‘s way to him again. A few noises came from there, too, probably the coffee machine next to Sebastian cooking something.

Joseph chuckled. Taking care of him after boozing, maybe even making breakfast for him - Usually, it was the other way around.

He felt sorry that he hadn‘t been awake back then. Joseph knew that Sebastian could be a very gentle person, he had often observed that with Myra and Lily. So it would have been nice to experience this gentleness, and being the one taken care of for once, since it didn‘t happen very often. But even thinking about it now made Joseph grin a bit to himself dreamily.

PANG!

_Oh, my head -  
_

The headache forced Joseph to squint his eyes. Well, he would have to endure that, his own punishment for his stupid behaviour. The whiskey hadn‘t even tasted any good, his palate was used to better stuff.

He stood up, getting his dizziness under control as much as possible, and not caring much about his looks.

Holding onto the door frame, he entered the kitchen. Sebastian was standing on the other side of the room, at the stove, poking a fork in a frying pan full of eggs.

Sebastian turned to him, blinking at Joseph‘s state. The younger man looked a bit dishevelled with the pallor around his cheeks and some strands in his face, and it was odd to see him not wearing his glasses and gloves. It was just so - un-Joseph, but also kind of flattering for Sebastian to be one of the surely few people who Joseph would let see him like this. At least when he was conscious.

"Ah, good morning," Sebastian greeted. "Sit down, I‘m making scrambled eggs for breakfast. Coffee‘s almost ready."

It wasn‘t the first time Sebastian made them something to eat, although he hadn‘t done that for months. Sometimes one of them was sleeping at the other man‘s place after a long day, depending where a crime scene in Krimson City had been, and he would cook something. Nothing really big or special, but it was enough and usually tasted quite good. The perks of being a dad -

Joseph sat down at the small table at the wall. Sebastian shoved the eggs from the pan on two plates. He came to the table and presented the plate with the fork to Joseph.

"I assume you need something more nutritious today," Sebastian remarked.

The only answer he got was Joseph beginning to eat, staring down on his plate. Of course Sebastian had found the empty bottle. And Joseph was probably covered in the smell of alcohol.

Leaving his plate on the table, Sebastian went to the cupboard above the sink. He grabbed two mugs out of it to pour some coffee into them. Then he brought them to the table, placing one of the mugs in front of Joseph. They both drank it without cream or sugar.

"Thank you for cleaning up my flat - again." Sebastian said, sitting down, too. He sipped at his coffee. "You could have waited till today, we have the whole weekend, and - perhaps you could let me ask you for help first", he mumbled into his coffee.

Joseph swallowed his bite, still eagerly concentrated on the food in front of him. "I couldn‘t sleep," he took another bite, „and so I needed something to do.“

Sebastian swirled the coffee in his mug by moving his hand around, watching the black-brown liquid intently. "Apparently, it wasn‘t enough to make you sleep..?"

A line forming between his brows, Joseph halted his fork and glared at the other man.

Joseph was angry, angry with Sebastian, but mostly with himself. Last night, he had been very surprised feeling tears trickling down his face. He had been terribly embarrassed, and the memory of it made him clench his fist, the one under the table. The last time he had cried was at Lily‘s funeral, and even then it hadn‘t been much, considering that he had to stay strong for Sebastian and Myra. But the booze had been the last straw after years of physical and emotional exhaustion.

He was also thinking about how he had coerced a 'promise' out of Sebastian to come to work about two weeks ago, like a stupid schoolboy begging for attention from his sweetheart - Joseph‘s face wasn‘t red just because of his anger.

"Sorry, I didn‘t mean to - “ Sebastian said, putting his mug down. He should be the last person to judge Joseph like this. Although he couldn‘t remember the last time Joseph was angry at him, he sensed it now very strongly. "Guess everybody needs a break, or some slack, especially you - "

_Who‘s always so correct, polite and uptight -  
_

Sebastian decided to not mention that, not at a moment like this.

"Nevermind," he added, "and then there‘s I - "

He exhaled nervously. This was it. "I don‘t know how to ever - repay you for everything you‘ve done for me..."

There were so many things Sebastian wanted to tell him, but talking about his feelings and thoughts wasn‘t exactly his forté... But was this the right time to discuss things with Joseph? He took up his fork and pecked at his eggs, avoiding the younger man‘s eyes.

"I know I can‘t continue like this -" Sebastian kept on, "but - I just don‘t know where to start - And I don‘t want you to drink, too..."

Joseph returned to his half-empty plate. If it wouldn‘t have been such a serious situation, and if his headache wouldn‘t drive him nuts, he would smile at the prospect of Sebastian changing, worriyng about his own drinking - He often would get drunk on his nights out at bars, never becoming _that_ intoxicated, but it seemed that Sebastian wasn‘t aware of that. Well, Joseph had kept that fact hidden from him, he didn't want to bother him with his own problems... Maybe the last boozing hadn‘t been in vain, though Joseph hadn‘t intended any of this.

He unclenched his fist again.

_Great. You‘re already giving in -  
_

As quickly as Joseph‘s anger flared, it vanished. He couldn‘t be mad with Sebastian for a long period anyway. It was also too good to be true, anyway -

"Like I said yesterday, you did well the past week -" he sighed, "perhaps you could repay me by continuing that…"

Sebastian chowed down some of his food to gain time for thinking. "I will try..." he finally answered.

"And if that doesn‘t work, you‘ll get some professional help."

Hesitating at the thought that he would have to disclose his problems to strangers, Sebastian nodded in the end. Everything to make it up to Joseph.

\---

They both ate in silence for a while, till they finished their eggs and coffee, each of them sunk in his own messed up musings. But it still felt good, sitting there together, a little bit of normalcy and calm during a storm.

Sebastian rubbed his eyes. "I could use something for my headache. You too?"

"Hmm…" He originally didn‘t want to, but - "Yeah, I guess..."

The older man got up and came back after a minute, a small bottle of aspirin in his hand, preparing two glasses of water for them both.

Perhaps he could make an attempt at some light conversation, trying to ease the heavy atmosphere a bit. "So, Joseph, what are your plans for the weekend?" Sebastian inquired, handing his friend the glass.

Joseph had something very important to do. "Cleaning up _my_ flat, what else."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how to write a murder case story and I have no idea how a five year old girl behaves.

The next week, Joseph and Sebastian had difficulties to get hold of someone from the Missing Persons Unit of the KCPD to talk about their case and possible future victims. A very prominent person had also disappeared, and so everyone was looking for that person. The underworld of Krimson City obviously never slept.

Julian Sykes from Missing Persons, an old colleague of Sebastian, finally paid them a visit in their office. "I‘m sorry, but I think I can‘t help you very much. We‘re 24/7 on the Ruben Victoriano missing." He slumped his old, rampaged briefcase on Joseph‘s neat and orderly desk.

Joseph raised his eyebrows in disapproval, but didn‘t complain.

Ruben Victoriano was the son of the influential and aristocratic Victoriano family that arrived about a hundred years ago in Krimson City from the old continent. He was missing for some days, and the picture of the nine year old boy was all over the news. His ancestors had created the famous _Ruvik_ car brand, and their factory was the most important employer around. So the heir of the large Victoriano fortune had top priority, his father even had promised those who would find him a high reward sum.

The visiting officer opened his bag and pulled out several files, placing them on the desk. "This is all I can give you. I tried to find as many children that would fit your profile, just as you told me."

Sebastian took one of the files, flipping through it. He had phoned Sykes the other day and had described to him what they were planning to do.

"Guys, I don‘t want to take your hope," Sykes continued, "but it will be hard to find your abducted kids - It‘s often hard enough for us."

"Yeah, we understand," Sebastian said.

"Well, knock yourselves out, and good luck." Sykes packed his things and rushed to the door. No time to lose.

"Thanks, and good luck with Victoriano," Joseph called after him.

Sykes waved to them in return, and soon mingled with the many other police officers.

The two detectives stared at the stash of files in front of them.

"Our usual method?" asked Joseph.

"Our usual method," Sebastian agreed.

They scattered the files on the floor so as to have a better overview, in case one of them would notice something the other didn‘t, since four eyes saw better than two.

All in all, Sykes had given them twenty files of missing children; twenty unknown fates of which one might be the next victim of the MU Cult.

Browsing over the papers, every now and then Joseph or Sebastian would crouch down to have a closer look at a photograph, or reading some data. Some of the children were dismissed from their case due to the wrong age, or because they had vanished longer or shorter than the former victims. In the end, they were left with 5 or 6 children.

After a while, the older detective pointed at a picture, somewhere at the edge of their file collage. "Look at this boy," he said.

It was odd that they hadn‘t spotted him at first. That nobody else had noticed him earlier - The age, the round face, the almost silvery-white hair, even the sullen expression on his face bore a striking resemblance to someone who was rather more 'wanted' at the moment.

"He looks exactly like the Victoriano boy -" Joseph said in astonishment.

Joseph grabbed the file. "Leslie Withers," he read out loud, "eight years old, spent most of the past four years of his life in an institution, Beacon Mental Hospital at the outskirts of the town."

Leslie‘s file also revealed a quite sad life story. His mother had been drinking during her pregnancy with him and had left him with his father, who had struggled for years with the special needs of his son, next to his own drinking habits, money problems, etc, etc - The father had killed himself, and the boy had probably been quite lucky to receive treatment at Beacon, which had an excellent reputation.

When he disappeared, Leslie had been on a field trip with a group of other children from the hospital. They had played in a park for a few hours under the supervision of the hospital staff. According to the two nurses who had accompanied them, they had lost him out of sight only for a few seconds, and then he was suddenly gone.

Joseph fixed his glasses. "He‘s missing now for about four months."

"Yeah, no one will miss a kid from the looney bin," Sebastian added. "I bet he‘s our boy."

\---

In Joseph‘s mind, it was rather irrational to act on hunches. But Sebastian‘s instincts had proven correct very often, more often than it could have been called a coincidence. It was kind of unfair towards the other kids, but Leslie Withers stuck so much out of it that they mostly focused on him. Though Joseph stayed adamant about investigating into the other children.

The next full moon came nearer and nearer, and the days became more strenuous with following all the leads for the six children the detectives were looking for: talking to people and witnesses, trying to make sense of the few traces of their disappearances - Sebastian and Joseph often wouldn‘t go home.

But there was one new thing they were able to discover. The crime scene investigators had found a scrap of fabric near the spot where Leslie had vanished. It seemed that it didn‘t mean anything at the time, but it had been the only scrap of its kind at the place, and now it could be interpreted that the boy may have fought his kidnappers.

What made this scrap even more interesting was that the same kind of scrap was found at the area where Ruben Victoriano had disappeared. A false fire alarm at the Victoriano boy‘s boarding school had been set off, and when the situation had been cleared, Ruben just wasn‘t there anymore.

"You think these two cases are connected?" Joseph wondered. "The fabric is that of a common rain jacket."

Sebastian folded his arms, leaning against his partner‘s desk with his behind. "It‘s the same color. And yes, it could be from two different jackets, but I don‘t believe that. Someone was stupid enough to wear the same clothes at two abductions."

"But why would this - MU Cult start kidnapping rich kids all of a sudden, a Victoriano of all?"

"I don‘t know," Sebastian rested his chin on his fist, "it‘s a religious thing, so I suppose it‘d be something superstitious? You know how these religious nuts are."

"You mean -" Joseph stared in from of him, searching for something in his thoughts, "if they don‘t get the two boys who appear to be identical, though not related, it will bring them some kind of - bad luck?"

"Or perhaps it will bring them good luck if they have these two boys."

"So - I guess, we should begin to work with Sykes, after all."

"Mm-hm," Sebastian nodded.

\---

After a long and hard day of conferring with detective Sykes – it was difficult to convince him of their idea about the Withers and Victoriano cases - , Sebastian pulled out his whiskey bottle from his desk, pouring himself a glass. Joseph watched him from his own desk.

"Don‘t look at me like this," Sebastian snorted, "it‘s my first drop in _days_."

Joseph chuckled. "I‘m not judging, you have to know what to do with your life."

„Tsk -" Sebastian drank the whiskey.

A few moments passed. "But you‘re doing well, Seb," Joseph quietly said, looking out of the window close to his desk. "That‘s good."

Sebastian paused. It was nice to hear his younger friend talking like this. After all the awful things that had occurred between them, Sebastian really wanted to demonstrate that he tried to change.

To change for Joseph.

He put his glass and bottle back into his desk‘s drawer. "Let‘s call it a day. I‘m going to bed."

Checking his watch, Joseph sighed. "Ouph, you‘re right. It‘s way past midnight."

Going to bed that night meant for them thay they would sleep in the small bedrooms reserved for officers who would stay over night at the department due to long shifts. There were several of these rooms, and Sebastian and Joseph would share one, as they had done sometimes in the past days.

Their room had two bunk beds, one at each wall. Each of the two men would choose the bottom bed, too tired to climb on the top one.

Instead of going straight to bed, Sebastian would stand at the small window between the bunks. Joseph sat down on his bed and took his glasses off, putting it on the small nightstand at the foot of the bunk.

Sebastian still had the children, living or dead, in his mind, but he had also brooded a lot about his friendship with Joseph since he had found him overly drunk in his own flat. Which had mostly been possible because he had managed to stay sober lately.

"You know, Joseph - I was thinking about lots of stuff," Sebastian‘s hands held the frame of the window, supporting himself against it, bracing himself for what he was about to say. "You spend so much time with me - I don‘t think that‘s very good for you -“

Joseph squinted at Sebastian, who was standing rather close to him in the small space. Due to his bad eyesight without his glasses and the bad lighting that came from the nightstand lamp, it was hard for him to make out the details of Sebastian‘s broad figure.

"Shouldn‘t you - finally get yourself a girlfriend?" Sebastian said.

Joseph was caught off guard with this question. "Er, I‘m not really - in the mood for a relationship, I guess." Joseph was too exhausted to consider distracting Sebastian. In the past, the other man had tried to talk him into a new girlfriend every now and then, but never at a moment like this. Usually, he would have been boozing, and it would have been easier that way to change the topic.

"I think it would be better for you to finally find someone for you. You were always looking after me for such a long time, you need to start a new life -“

 _Oh, Sebastian._ Joseph shook his head. How could he ever explain that this 'someone' was always there, but not for him - ?

"How long are you - single now?" Sebastian continued.

Joseph scratched the back of his head. "For about - three years?" Why did Sebastian want to discuss these things now, in the middle of the night, after a long day?

Sebastian turned his head slightly towards Joseph. "Three years?"

"Yes -"

"That‘s since -", he knit his brows, "Lily‘s death -"

Sebastian gulped. Could it be -?

 _No._ Now Sebastian shook his head. It just couldn‘t be that Joseph was - interested in him. But it would explain so many things. Why Joseph seemed to always be around him - To always be there for him when Sebastian needed him the most.

He let go of the window frame and slowly turned completely around to face Joseph. "You take care of me since Lily‘s death.. -" he almost whispered.

Blinking his eyes and looking away from Sebastian, Joseph grinned a bit to himself. "Well, that‘s not how it is - My last girlfriend had dumped me weeks before the fire - I‘m not abstaining from women to look after you, I just explained it to you -" With or without girlfriend – or the occasional boyfriend - , he would prefer spending his time with Sebastian‘s family. Spending time with Sebastian -

He had been her godfather after all, but maybe he had done more than a godfather would have normally done. Joseph would often babysit Lily, something he always had loved to do, to help her parents to have some time for themselves. Babysitting her, playing with her, seeing her growing up made it easier for Joseph to become accustomed to forget about his own wishes - When he was younger, Joseph would have liked to have a family of his own, having his own children, but that was before he had began to work with Sebastian, and so he slowly had given up his family plans when he‘d fallen in love with his older colleague... And Lily also kept him away from hoping to ever get Sebastian.

_Please, don‘t tell me he found out about me -  
_

Joseph had to find a way to get out of this situation, the situation between him and his friend he had always feared and he had always hoped would never happen. He didn‘t want to lose Sebastian like he had lost Lily -

_Wait a minute -  
_

Was taking care of Sebastian just Joseph‘s way of coping with Lily‘s death - ?

He let his head and shoulders hang. It was true that Lily was almost like having his own child, and he really missed that little girl. He missed babysitting her, playing with her, seeing her grow up…

***

"Uncle Jojo!"

Joseph kneeled down, and the little girl practically stormed into his arms.

"Well, _somebody_ missed you very much -" Sebastian closed the door and took his coat off. Myra was preparing dinner, they were able to observe her through the open kitchen door.

"Hello, Lily," he laughed, getting up and swinging her around. She was only five years old and therefore not much of a weight for Joseph. He hadn‘t seen her for some days and was also glad to see her again. Sebastian had invited him to join them for dinner after they had closed a quite simple case during the week.

"Can we go and play?" Lily asked.

"No, sweetheart," Myra yelled out of the kitchen, "dinner‘s ready, and I‘m sure uncle Joseph is as hungry as you -"

"Aaaaaw -"

"You just told me how hungry you are!" Myra added amused.

The younger detective held the little girl in his arms. "Your mom is right, but we can play later with Mr. Bunny and Mrs. Kitty." Lily‘s favorite game at the moment was playing family with her plush toys -

Sebastian passed them with a smirk, giving his daughter a kiss on the cheek on his way to the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around Myra‘s shoulders; she turned around and leaned into the kiss her husband‘s lips were offering her.

Joseph wanted to follow Sebastian to the kitchen, but now he stood still with Lily close to the house door in the hall. He watched his partner and Myra in some form of trance. How much he would have liked to be in the woman‘s place - And at the same time, he would never want to destroy their happiness, Myra and Sebastian were perfect for each other.

"Do you love daddy?"

That was Lily‘s voice close to his ear.

Startled, Joseph needed some seconds to collect his thoughts, but then he answered: "Yes." It wasn‘t a brilliant idea to tell her that, but the little girl probably wouldn‘t understand it anyway.

"You love him like mommy does?"

Or would she - ?

Joseph‘s eyes almost popped out of his head, and he blushed madly. Apparently, she understood more than he thought. How could she - ? But then, Lily had shown him on various other occasions how empathic she was, and she would notice things that were hidden for others. Fortunately, she again had spoken into his ear.

"Yes, I do," he replied without further consideration. "But you have to keep it a secret, alright? Your mommy and daddy would be - very angry about it."

"Why?"

"Because - then I might not be able to visit you, and play with you -"

He hated to talk to Lily like this, but he couldn‘t imagine any other scenario for Sebastian and Myra than getting more than disconcerted at Joseph‘s love confession - Joseph didn‘t have a woman in his life right now, and he wouldn‘t talk about the few boyfriends he had had in the past. The married couple wouldn‘t mind a man falling in love with another man, but it was surely something different when this man had fallen for yourself, respectively your husband -

Still, it was relieving to have finally told it to someone, even if it was just a little kid.

"No, I don‘t want you go -" Lily protested with panic in her face.

"Then you won‘t tell them?"

"I won‘t tell them!"

"Promise?"

"Promise!" She gestured over her mouth, pretending to close a zipper. One of her friends must have taught her that.

"Alright then," Joseph smiled.

"Joseph, Lily, are you coming or not?" Sebastian called.

"Yes, yes, we‘re coming," Joseph talked back, tickling Lily, "I can hear Lily‘s belly rumbling soooo loud!"

***

A weight was shifting on the mattress of Joseph‘s bed, disturbing him in his memories. Sebastian had sat down next to him, so Joseph turned his face automatically to him, waiting for the inevitable.

_Oh god, here he is - He must be angry -  
_

Sebastian‘s expression was very serious, but instead of saying something, he suddenly, and a bit firmly, grasped one side of Joseph‘s face and began to kiss him. Not on the mouth, the older man for some obscure reason wouldn‘t dare to do that, though there was nothing more he _wished_ to do - He kissed him next to the mouth, on the other cheek, and gently lead his lips, peck by peck, up to the eye. Joseph shut his eyes quickly, and remembering the small wrinkles around them, Sebastian tried to console his friend, for all the trouble and exhaustion he had caused him.

Their strange moment felt like eternity for the two men, when in fact it was only a few seconds.

Joseph just wouldn‘t react. Sebastian retreated slowly, while Joseph opened his eyes again; Sebastian took his hand away, hiding his face with both of them, embarrassment dawning upon him.

"I‘m so, so sorry -" Sebastian choked. "I thought - I just -" He put his slightly trembling hands on his knee, an attempt to regain some composure. "I guess I just saw things in you that I wanted to see -"

Sebastian stood up. "God, I‘m so stupid, how could I - I‘m really sorry, please, just - forget what I did." He went to his own bunk, lying down, turning away from Joseph. "Please, just forget it -" he sniffed.

Joseph hesitated at first, but then did the same as Sebastian, not sure if what had happened right now had been real or not.

\--

Facing the wall on the side of his bed and his arms folded, Joseph couldn‘t fall asleep. He hadn‘t been able to react to Sebastian. Too baffled by his move, Joseph had simply frozen in place, just like a statue -

Joseph hadn‘t expected Sebastian to do this, not from Sebastian, who would sometimes tell him about his frolics with Myra, back in the old days.

Hell, Joseph had never expected _anything -_ Though he wasn‘t entirely innocent of sometimes dreaming and imagining bawdy things with Sebastian.

He lifted one of his hands, touching his cheek Sebastian had kissed. He still could feel the stubble on his skin from the other man‘s face, still smell the whiskey he had drunk shortly before - None of them had remembered to wash himself up before bed due to their tiredness.

_Why didn‘t you do anything?!_

Quietly sighing, Joseph let his fingers run over his lips. If only he had seized the opportunity - But there were so many sensible reasons why Sebastian had done this.

Sebastian was just exhausted.

The case was getting to him, because the kids reminded him of Lily.

He was lonely after so many years without Myra, and very likely without a woman -

And he hadn‘t much of his beloved liquor – which, on the other hand, was a good thing.

So why should Sebastian care about kissing a man? After all, it was only Joseph, a man he knew for so many years. The sex of a possible bed mate might not matter to him anymore, and Sebastian had discovered another way of treating his mental scars - A replacement for the bottle.

"Hmmm..." Joseph didn‘t want to think like this; his mind was too clouded after all the events of the last weeks, the case, Sebastian‘s behavior, his own grief over Lily's death - He decided that he had to try and sleep, because he was very tired in the end. He would need his energy for the abducted child, or children. It would also be for the best to forget this - incident.

At least for now...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because this is a very long chapter with several parts, I will upload one part at each update.
> 
> I'm describing children/people with disabilities here, and though I'm sure it's not correct or realistic, I hope at least that I'm not describing them in a degrading way.

One week.

They had only one week left until the next full moon. At least Sebastian and Joseph weren‘t alone with this case anymore, because Sykes and his team had joined them.

It hadn‘t been easy at first to convince him and his people that the MU Cult serial murders and the Victoriano abduction probably had something to do with each other, but Sykes also found it very suspicious how much the two little boys resembled. The scraps of cloth found at both disappearance places were also a strong point.

"And besides that," Sykes added, raising an eyebrow, "I know it‘s never a good sign when _you_ , Seb, have a hunch."

Sebastian rolled his eyes at this ill-spoken, but well-meant 'compliment'. Joseph touched his glasses, pretending that they had slipped, and smirked behind his gloved hand -

Now that the low priority case was linked to the high priority case, Joseph and Sebastian received more help and had more resources at hand. Sykes himself would investigate with them, letting his other officers still look for the few other leads in the Victoriano case.

But it was Connelly who gave them an important information, the morning five days before full moon.

He was sitting at his desk, researching suspects in the department‘s computer data bank. The phone next to his screen rang. At first, Connelly had difficulties understanding the person on the other end, since he wasn‘t alone in the big and busy office. Phone receiver on his right ear, he covered the left one with his hand.

Connelly leaned back into his chair after some moments of listening, bending his neck with the phone in his hand; the door to Sebastian‘s and Joseph‘s office was open, and in this manner, he hoped to be heard by the two detectives. "Hey, Seb, Jo,", he yelled, "guess who‘s back at Beacon Hospital -"

\---

An hour later, some time before noon, the four officers arrived at Beacon Mental Hospital. The building was of Gothic architecture and from around the beginning of the 20th century. Originally, it had been a hospital for all kinds of sick patients, until it was changed into a mental institution in the 70s. The focus of the facility was on persons with mental disabilities who couldn‘t live on their own, either for a short time or permanently, and because these people weren‘t dangerous, Beacon had low to zero security level.

Though the hospital was very big with several wings and a huge park in front of and around it, it was hard to get a place here due to the excellent reputation of its staff, therapies and general care of patients. But also due to its almost majestic looks, it was difficult to imagine that children lived here; the Gothic style, the old building and the rainy, dark clouds at this day made it appear quite intimidating and maybe a bit oppressive. Still, when they drove through the park at the front door, a few people were strolling in the park despite the drizzle.

Sebastian, Joseph, Sykes and Connelly entered the great reception hall.

"Officer Connelly?" they heard a female voice. It belonged to Ms. Gutierrez, the nurse who had called Connelly earlier.

"Ah, Ms. Gutierrez -" Connelly answered, blushing a bit, surprised at how pretty the nurse was, with her horn-rimmed glasses and her red cardigan over her white uniform. "As I said on the phone, I brought my colleagues with me who are the main investigators in this case."

After some short introductions, Ms. Gutierrez led them to a wing at the back of the building. "I‘ll get you to the children‘s ward and show you to his room," she said.

The ward was behind a big double-winged wooden door and was immediately friendlier than the reception hall. Some of the ceiling lamps were switched on and added a soft yellow to the dim daylight that came through the many windows. The walls were painted in light colours, and were covered with happy children‘s drawings here and there.

"I saw Ruben Victoriano‘s face in the newspaper just when we wanted to call the police," Ms. Gutierrez explained while walking them through the ward‘s long hall. "The picture had a special phone number attached to it, and that‘s why I called you, officer Connelly."

A few kids were also present, the doors to their rooms open, from age toddler to teenager. Some of them stared curiously at the strangers in uniform and coats, or peeked shyly, maybe anxiously out of their rooms; some continued their playtime without a care and some just stayed apathetic in their wheel chairs.

Somehow, Sebastian regretted carrying his gun to this place, frowning at all these left and abandoned children. He felt stupid with it, but at least it was hidden underneath his coat.

They halted at a door almost at the end of the hall. Ms. Gutierrez opened it, and they got the view into a small bedroom. Just like outside, it was light-colored and with drawings on the wall, but also with some toys at a corner, a desk with paper and other drawing materials.

There was also a bed standing at the furthest wall from the door. A little boy was sitting up on it, wearing a dark dressing gown and covered in a thick blanket, with a big cushion in his back supporting him.

It was Leslie Withers.

"Hello Leslie," Ms. Gutierrez greeted him, approaching his bed. "Are you okay? Feeling better?"

The boys‘s face brightened up. "Yes, I‘m okay!" He didn‘t seem to be fazed by the four police officers in his room.

"Leslie, these men are from the police," the nurse continued. "They want to talk to you about the dark place you‘ve been and the strange man you saw."

"Uh-huh..."

Leslie was rather pale and his cheek bones were visible. They only had a few photographs from his case file, so he now looked quite the contrast to these pictures. Apparently, the 'strange man' hadn‘t taken much care of him.

"Poor thing," Ms. Gutierrez said, turning to the officers, "he arrived here dehydrated and cold in the early morning, around six o‘clock. I can‘t believe people would do this to a boy like him." She stroke his silvery-blonde hair.

"You haven‘t said a word about this to the media, I hope," Sebastian said, "he might be able to help us catch the people who did this to him, and if this news gets out, his kidnappers will be warned."

"And maybe he has even seen Ruben Victoriano -" added Sykes.

The nurse furrowed her brows. "We didn‘t inform any media, and it was because of the big resamblance why I called you first. But I‘m not sure Leslie really understands what has happened to him. When he suddenly appeared on our doorstep, he just said: 'I‘m home, I‘m home!' We‘re just glad that he managed to escape and come back to us alive - Perhaps I can answer some of the questions you surely have."

"Did he have any injuries? Could he describe the 'strange man'?" Joseph inquired.

Crossing her arms, Ms. Gutierrez shook her head. "He had a few bruises and scratches, which I presume are rather from his flight and searching for the hospital. We took care of his wounds first and gave him to drink and to eat." She smiled at Joseph, who was alarmed by her statement. "Oh, don‘t worry, we documented everything and tried to find as much DNA traces as possible - We unfortunately have these kind of cases here and often help the police, too. I can give you the file later."

"So, did you find something?"

"No. I‘m afraid he got rid of any traces due his escape. And he couldn‘t explain more about his kidnapper than "strange man"."

"What about his clothes? Did he have something with him?" were Sebastian‘s next questions.

"He was still wearing the clothes he had when he disappeared, though ragged and dirty. They‘re still in the examination room. I can give them to you, too."

Leslie had watched the adults‘ conversation and had listened to it intently. Though he hadn‘t understood everything, he was aware that they were talking about him, and wondered why, not used to receiving much attention.

Ms. Gutierrez and the four officers all stood around him a bit at a loss for some moments, not entirely sure what to do.

In the end, Sebastian made an offer. "Can I speak to him? We need to hear what he has to say from himself, if he is capable to."

"Of course he is," Ms. Gutierrez said, "but it won‘t be easy - Please be careful, he‘s been through enough."

Sebastian nodded in agreement. He went cautiously to the bed and kneeled down to be on eye level with the kid.

"Hello, Leslie," Sebastian began, "how are you?"

"I‘m home!" Leslie answered, his expression not changing much.

"Yes, you are," Sebastian smiled weakly. "My name is Seb, and I want to speak to you about the strange man. Can you tell me why you were away from home?"

The little boy tilted his head. "Away from - home..?"

The detective sighed. „Yes...“ They would need time to get some information.

A lot of time, time and patience they didn‘t have -

\---

They only had a little more than two hours to get some valuable information out of Leslie. Ms. Gutierrez hadn‘t allowed any more, because the child was exhausted anyway and needed some rest.

Sebastian had shown incredible patience with the boy. He had played with him, joked with him, talked to him in an appropriate way, asked him the right questions at the right time - Though Leslie wouldn‘t leave Ms. Gutierrez side, and she always had to be near them.

"He‘s not stupid, I mean, how else did he manage to get back to Beacon," he had said later that day, after they had left the hospital, "he just has some problems concentrating and remembering."

Observing these two, Joseph hadn‘t missed how much Sebastian had enjoyed being with the boy. Every now and then, his partner even had smiled brightly because of Leslie‘s adorable antics. The past few years, Sebastian only had smiled like this when he had been drunk, and Joseph knew that it wasn‘t a smile out of happiness, like the ones he had demonstrated during the two hours with their kidnapping victim, resprectively witness.

Joseph himself had tried to assist Sebastian, but his own patience had often waned quickly due to the Leslie‘s - rather simple mind. He would need more time to get used to the little one‘s special personality. Of course he didn‘t demonstrate any anger towards Leslie, knowing that it wasn‘t the boy‘s fault.

But the next day, when Sebastian had just started to talk with Leslie, Sykes grew impatient.

He grabbed the boy at the shoulders, shaking him: "Where were you?! Have you seen another boy who looks like you?"

Leslie‘s whole body began trembling from the man‘s anger and tight grip on his shoulders.

"Detective Sykes," Ms. Gutierrez interfered, "you scare him! As much as I understand the pressure you‘re under finding the Victoriano boy, I‘ve already give you more than enough time with Leslie, and you assured me you would treat him with care!"

Sykes, glaring at the nurse, reluctantly let go of Leslie. He had been sitting on his bed, but now ran to hide behind Ms. Gutierrez.

"Give the boy a rest, Julian," Sebastian scolded him.

"I can‘t give him a rest!" Sykes yelled at him. "I‘ve given you enough help and leniency with your theory and Withers here, but to no avail so far."

Sebastian lowered his voice. "He‘s already done enough for us - He survived, he told us that he escaped some weeks ago from his kidnappers, survived theses weeks on his own, too, and he was able to tell us that he was kidnapped by a bald white guy, and he had mentioned another man who‘s black."

Yesterday, Leslie had pointed at Sykes, who was black, when he had described the second man he had only seen for a short time once, and at Joseph, who was white and wearing spectacles, when he had described his kidnapper. "But no hair!“ he had added. He couldn‘t give any better details.

"But I‘m sure he could tell us more! From what place did he escape? Victoriano could still be there!"

"Sykes, even if we knew where Leslie escaped from, it doesn‘t mean the Victoriano boy or Leslie‘s kidnappers are still there," Joseph remarked. "They probably have moved already, and we‘re still not 100% sure that Ruben is with them."

"No, he‘s definitely with them," insisted Sebastian. "When Leslie escaped, they had to find a replacement, and Ruben is the perfect replacement. Maybe his kidnapper tried to fool his boss, or, for some stupid superstitious reason, they had to find a child that looks exactly like Leslie, I told you -"

The situation was deadlocked. Leslie still stood behind the nurse, too scared and astonished by the adults‘ argument.

Ms. Gutierrez furrowed her brows at Sykes. "Perhaps you should leave now."

"Listen, lady," Sykes stemmed his fists into his hips, "if Leslie doesn‘t give us a name or a place, do you know what terrible things will happen to Ruben Victoriano and possibly other children? Do you consider all the terrible things that are already happening to them?"

Ms. Gutierrez sighed. "I heard the news, detective Sykes, and I‘m sorry, but - it would be better if you‘d come again tomorrow."

Sebastian harrumphed, disappointed by Sykes. "He won‘t say a word anyway, thanks to you terrifying him, Julian."

When he went to Leslie to tell him "till next time, buddy", the kid relaxed a bit and grasped the sleeve of the coat Sebastian was wearing. He didn‘t say anything, but stared at the floor.

"Seems he likes you, Seb," Connelly grinned.

The nurse chuckled. "Maybe you can stay, detective Castellanos. Is that right, Leslie?" She patted the boy encouragingly.

Leslie nodded, but kept his gaze down.

\---

"I think we try a different approach then," Ms. Gutierrez proposed after everyone calmed down a bit.

She guided the four officers to some kind of day room, only letting Leslie and Sebastian into it. "I‘ll be right back," she promised Leslie when he eyed her anxiously.

The room had different toys in it, a comfortable big sofa with many cushions and plush toys on it, and a table with drawing supplies.

Sebastian noticed the camera close to the table, with the lens aiming at the top of it. He got an idea what the nurse was up to.

"How about we sit at the table, and you draw something for me, hm?" he suggested, and Leslie smilingly agreed.

Ms. Gutierrez led Joseph, Connelly and Sykes to a small room that was neighbouring the day room. It was bare except for a table with some chairs around it, and a TV screen.

"We use this room for therapy with the children. Sometimes it helps them to play with our therapists to open up, or to draw what happened to them. Leslie usually enjoys drawing," she said, switching the TV on, "and you can see and listen to everything they‘re doing. Therapy session usually get recorded for further analysis later."

"Well, then let‘s go down to business," Sykes gruffed, pulling out a chair very audibly to sit down.

The nurse rolled her eyes, but left the TV room to help the other detective with the boy.

Leslie had picked up a large box of wax crayons and was already drawing away, filling the paper before him with different colors.

"What‘s he drawing?" Ms. Gutierrez asked upon entering. She first headed to the camera and put it on record.

After that, she sat down next to Leslie, so that he was between herself and Sebastian. His head propped on his elbow, Sebastian kept his eyes on the boy and his 'drawing'. "Nothing in particular, I just thought I warm him up a bit," he answered.

It wasn‘t easy to make the boy react to them and their requests. At first, he didn‘t want to talk, too immersed – and kind of happy – with his drawings, and still shaken by how Sykes had treated him. After some half hour, he and Sebastian were babbling again with each other almost like old friends.

Joseph watched them through the TV, chuckling quietly to himself at Sebastian‘s relaxed state around the boy, and his gentle behavior towards him. As if Lily was back - But Sebastian was even more careful, aware how easily Leslie could slip away from him and then maybe distrust him.

Finally, Sebastian was able to ask him an important question for their investigation. "Can you draw me the place you‘ve been? Where the strange man had brought you?"

Leslie gazed at Sebastian, tilting his head, as he often did when thinking. Then he nodded tardily his head – Sykes exhaled loudly in the TV room, unheard of the three in day room - , and the boy began to scribble on a new piece of paper.

He had a brown crayon in his hand and drew something like two towers with spikes on top of them, and linked together by a huge brown, a likely wooden, door.

"It reminds me of a place -" Sebastian guessed. "Looks like a ruin - or a church - ? Is this a church, Leslie?"

"I‘m afraid he doesn‘t know what a church is -" Ms. Gutierrez shrugged her shoulders. "I mean, he‘s never been in one, and he hardly ever heard of what it is or saw one before."

Remembering the building and that he had been trapped there made Leslie go quiet. He stared at his drawing and began to shiver. It had been cold there, and dark, only with a small lamp next to him, and he had been so afraid. The strange man with the glasses hadn‘t given him much food, and so he had grown hungry.

Sebastian patted his back. "It‘s alright," he comforted the boy, "you‘re safe here, nothing can happen to you anymore."

The child looked up to Sebastian. "You‘re doing great," the tall man that he called 'Seb', said in a friendly voice. Leslie didn‘t want to disappoint him, since he apparently was helping him, and he was glad that he could help. But what else could he say about this old building - ?

Luckily, after the bald man had presented him to the black man, he had managed to escape the tough grip of his kidnapper. He had hidden himself in the great old building, behind pillars, tables, benches - It was like playing hide and seek, but this time, Leslie in no way wanted to be discovered, and the strange man had had many problems finding him. Despite the weakness and hunger Leslie had felt due to the malnutrition, he had kept himself hidden long enough until he had gotten to the big wooden door, opening it with his last bit of strength and running away.

Only when he had been at a safe distance, Leslie had taken a look back at the huge building.

Scratching his head, Leslie couldn‘t remind himself of how this 'church', as the adults called it, exactly looked like. Then, an image crawled into his memory. When he had hid behind a pillar, he had noticed an eye-like symbol on a wall. So he grabbed the bright red crayon and sketched this symbol on the bottom of one of the towers in his drawing.

'Seb' changed his attitude, his eyes darkening under his brows. He put two fingers on the edge of the paper, turning it to himself a bit. After some moments, he said: "May I have this, Leslie? I would like to show this to my friends. Perhaps we now can find the strange man who took you."

"Mm-hmm," the boy nodded enthusiastically.

Ms. Gutierrez stroke Leslie‘s little hand. "Well done, Leslie! Come on, detective, I‘ll bring you to the other officers, and you, Leslie, should rest a little."

Sebastian joined the others in the TV room after seeing Leslie off; the boy waved at him, and Sebastian waved back, raising a small smile. He would miss the little guy when this case was over -

Sykes practically tore the paper out of Sebastian‘s hand as soon as he closed the door.

"That‘s not really much to go on," he uttered irritated after a few seconds.

He handed the drawing over to Joseph, who also couldn‘t say much about it. So he gave it to Connelly.

Connelly looked particularly long at the drawing, holding the paper close to his eyes. "Hey, wait -"

He walked to Sebastian who was still standing close to the door.

"Some days ago, I was called to the St. Michael‘s church -" Connelly remembered, "or rather the former church, it‘s not in use anymore. You know, the old church in the east of Krimson City." He tapped Sebastian on the shoulder.

"Yes, now that you say it - I was stationed there when I was still in uniform, back then, I saw it almost daily." Sebastian thought that he saw a bit of the church‘s gothic architecture in the drawing. "I didn‘t know it closed down."

"Anyway," Connelly continued, "911 was called because it seemed someone had set fire there. I was sent to the church with a fire truck. In the end, it had been some punks who had made a sort of camp fire to warm up for the night. I spotted the symbol on a wall inside, but because it was so dark -" Connelly grimaced in embarrassment, turning to Sykes. "I‘m really sorry, if I had recognized it, of course I would have told you earlier!"

Sykes snorted, shaking his head.

"The church would fit the cult‘s former proceedings," Joseph remarked. "They always used old, abandoned buildings for their 'sacrifice'. The bodies were usually found in a basement room, and the symbol was always on the first floor somewhere on a wall as a graffiti."

"So, we should go and check it out, then," Sykes almost cried out, clapping his hands in eager anticipation. "I‘ll call for back-up, just in case."

\---

The abandoned church was a one hour drive away from the department. St. Michael had been a beautiful church back in its day, but just as the rest of the neighborhood, it had gone south due to the economical crisis years back. People had lost their jobs and gotten poor, and instead of looking for consolation in God, they had started to look for it in drugs and alcohol. Less and less people would attend the service, and so the church had closed down for good. Now, the remains of the two tall bell towers stood grimly under the dark and heavy clouds above it.

Establishing that nobody was in or around the building by Sykes‘ team, Sebastian, Joseph and the other two officers went into it. Connelly showed them directly to the graffiti, the MU Cult‘s symbol. It was at the left wall of the church‘s huge oblong nave, under a window.

"I wonder why they put it here, into this place," he said, scratching his chin.

"It‘s a marking," Joseph responded. "They mark a place where they can safely kill a child, without anyone noticing. Markings like this have been found at the other crime scenes, too."

"So what we have to do now is find a basement, -" Sykes hurried them on.

The inside of the church was still impressive; a few rows of benches had been left there, winged by massive pillars holding the ceiling painted with a heaven full of angels. There wasn‘t any altar anymore in front of the beautiful stained glasses, depicting scenes of the life of Jesus. Some pigeons were walking about, cooing peacefully and giving the whole situation a serene atmosphere, despite all the tension the police officers felt.

After some searching, Sebastian pointed out at something on the ground. "There‘s a trap door in front of the altar. Or where the altar used to be."

All four of them needed to lift the heavy wooden trap door, that revealed a staircase down to a dark room underneath it. Sebastian pulled a flashlight out of his coat, his gun at the ready, setting one foot after the other on the steps.

"Careful, Seb," Joseph whispered, following right behind him, to cover him just in case, as they often did when this kind of situation appeared.

Sebastian nodded in silence and continued his way down. He reached the ground, checking everything as good as possible in this darkness.

The basement was quite big with many pillars and corresponding to the size of the nave above it. His flashlight offered Sebastian the sight of things scattered around that seemed to have been used once upon a time for typical church purposes: some tables, several candle holders, chalices, crosses -

If someone was here, this person had many opportunities to hide. Still, Sebastian‘s senses told him that probably no one was here, at least no one dangerous.

"Hello?" he yelled. „Is anyone here?“

No answer. Lighting every nook and cranny of the basement, the detective finally discovered a faint glow behind a pillar, at one of the far away corners. He and Joseph cautiously went closer.

Behind the pillar was a small desk lamp standing on the floor. And next to the lamp was a big cage, like the ones used in an animal shelter.

And inside the cage was a small, silver-haired boy, lying unconsciously in it.

\---

Joseph and Sebastian sat in their car, away from the abandoned church, but still able to observe it. Since they had found the Victoriano boy, they were on a stake-out for the past days. It was a few hours before a full moon night and it got darker.

Ruben had been brought to the Krimson Main Hospital, his parents and sister more than happy to see him, overwhelmed to finally close him into their arms.

The poor boy wasn‘t in his best state; paler and thinner than on the pictures they had received from his parents. Despite all that, there was still this striking resemblance to Leslie Withers.

His kidnapper, a bald, white man with glasses, had left him with a bit of food in his cage the day he had snatched him, and had visited him again one day before he was detected, leaving again some food and water. Ruben couldn‘t say more about his kidnapping, or the man or men who had done this, but it sounded much like what Leslie had told them.

The police department had managed to keep Ruben‘s rescue away from the media and had asked to not disclose anything about it either, as to not alarm the MU Cult. The parents willingly agreed, wishing to be left alone so that their son could recover until a possible trial. The detectives at least hoped that the cult‘s members hadn‘t been warned, and that would be the reason why no one had shown up so far into Sebastian‘s and Joseph‘s watch; maybe they would come back to the church on their 'normal' schedule.

"Connelly here," their colleague reported to them via walkie-talkie, breaking the silence in the car, "everything‘s calm here on the back side of the church, over."

"Oda here, roger that," Joseph answered into his own device, "same goes for the front, over."

Sebastian was holding the steering wheel with both of his hands, knuckles almost white, his gaze fixated on the church. He was nervous, not just because of the case and the stake-out, but also because of Joseph sitting so close to him. Since Sykes and his people had joined them, Sebastian hadn‘t been alone with him for even a second. It was awkward to be next to him after he had - kissed him.

He had to exhale heavily just remembering it. On the one hand because of the embarrassment, on the other hand because he still felt Joseph‘s soft skin underneath his lips - Sebastian‘s face warmed up a bit.

 _How could_ _you_ _ever think -_ Sebastian snapped out of his reveries. Yes, he would have to speak with Joseph about this, but this wasn‘t the time nor the place, and his friend thankfully at least pretended that this hadn‘t happened between them. For now, he closed his eyes and opened them again, focusing back on their task at hand.

Joseph also kept his gaze on the church, noticing, too, that he was alone with Sebastian after always having so many other people around them. It reminded him of the last time they had been alone, in the small bunk room at the department. He still wasn‘t sure what to think of Sebastian‘s sudden advancement, except that it had felt good despite the shock due to the unexpectedness. Knowing very well that Sebastian wasn‘t ready, perhaps won‘t be for a long while, to talk about this incident, Joseph had decided he would give him the time that he required. After they had wrapped up this case, that is.

"If we‘re lucky, we might be able to end these 'sacrifices' -" Joseph said, more to end the pondering silence he and his partner were in.

"Mm-mhm," Sebastian mumbled.

"You really liked to work with Leslie, don‘t you?" Joseph asked.

Sebastian shifted in his seat. Even after they had found Ruben, he would inquire about how the boy was doing by calling at Beacon once or twice, and Ms. Gutierrez let him even talk to Leslie for a few minutes.

After clearing his throat, and not turning to Joseph, Sebastian answered: "I guess I just pity him. Sad enough that he calls Beacon his home - that he has to live like that, after all he‘s been through, considering everything that happened _before_ he had stranded in this hospital and got kidnapped -"

"Yes, but at least they are treating him very well. You saw and heard the nurse when Sykes tried to be tough on him -"

They both had to chuckle at this, sharing the memory of Ms. Gutierrez reprimanding the other detective, something Sykes probably wasn‘t used to. He was still angry about that when they had returned to the department office, murmuring something like "can‘t believe to be treated like this -" to himself. It hadn‘t been funny at first, considering the fright Sykes had given Leslie, but now in hindsight, it helped Joseph and Sebastian ease some of the tension that lingered between them.

"Shhh, look," Sebastian hushed Joseph. He nudged with his jaw to the church. A car stopped close to it, and a dark-clothed figure exited the vehicle. They couldn‘t discern much because the sun was setting and the shadow fell right on the place where the car was. The figure looked from one side to the other, and saw the car, but not the two men sitting in it; Sebastian and Joseph had hidden behind the dashboard.

Assured that no one was watching him, the figure walked around the building, to the back door of the church -

\---

The next evening, the two detectives returned to Joseph‘s apartement. Now, they probably had stopped the MU Cult‘s murders, after a very long and very exhausting night.

While taking cover behind the dashboard, Joseph had informed Connelly about the dark figure. He and some officers from the back-up slowly had followed the person sneaking into the church through the backdoor. The police men waited until the figure, still cognizable as male despite the hood covering his face, had opened the trap door to the basement. When he had descended the stairs, he had found – nothing but himself trapped, having the police at the entrance to the basement waiting for him.

Sebastian and Joseph entered the church after the man had been walked into the nave, his arms raised just as ordered by Connelly. It was clear that he was a member of the MU Cult: the sleeve of his jacket had slipped down a bit, and the inside of his lower arm bared the Cult‘s symbol, drawn as a tattoo on his skin. And apparently, because the hood also had been pulled from his head, it was the bald man with glasses Leslie and Ruben had described as their kidnapper.

The man probably had been sent to prepare the 'ceremony' for the sect; that‘s at least what they guessed, because he had neither disclosed his name, nor anything else. He also didn‘t had any papers with him, and his fingerprint couldn‘t also be found in the databases. They would have to call for Ruben and Leslie to identify him. Since he initially had intended to kill the children, he hadn‘t thought of covering his face in front of them.

During the night they still kept observing the church, and one after another every member of the MU Cult had fallen for their trap. Because the group didn‘t use technology – the bald man didn‘t have a cell phone on him – , so as to probably not be detected from that angle, neither of them was able to warn the other. It had been only ten people, all in all, and they all had the MU sign as tattoo.

The officers then experienced quite a surprise and thought they didn‘t saw right when they caught Theodor Wallace, the famous motivational speaker with his own TV show and author of many bestsellers, among the cult‘s members. Perhaps he was the black man Leslie had mentioned. He would dominate the headlines for the next weeks, once the news got out.

Wallace and his people were in the department‘s cell, waiting for their counsel. They didn‘t say a word since they got arrested and kept stumm.

It wasn‘t much use for them to stay at the station, because none of their prisoners would talk and the prosecution would also have to do it‘s fair share of work; and so the chief sent Sebastian and Joseph home for the next two days.

"Would you like to stay overnight at my flat?" Joseph offered Sebastian after they exited the department. "If you think you can sleep on the couch after this night, that is," he said.

Somehow, Joseph didn‘t want to be alone after such a night, and he had that feeling that his friend, too, maybe didn‘t want to be alone after this ordeal.

Sebastian actually was uncomfortable after all the exhaustion, but he hadn‘t expected this. "Yeah, if you don‘t mind," he agreed quietly, astonishment in his eyes.

Before they arrived at the apartement, they got themselves something to eat. They had settled for Chinese food and sat down for dinner in Joseph‘s kitchen.

"You know," Joseph said pondering, "it was kind of too easy to catch them."

After trying to eat with chopsticks again – and failing again - , Sebastian dropped them on the table, taking up the fork Joseph had given him earlier. "You‘re right, I guess. Maybe they were too sure of themselves, and had just forgotten any kind of precautions."

"I wonder how we are going to make them talk -" Joseph was fumbling with his fork in the noodles.

"We won‘t and don‘t have to, but their lawyers will - Or Sykes."

"Huh," Joseph snorted, "and Wallace to be among those creeps - I‘ve read one of his books some years ago, it was quite interesting."

"Really?" Sebastian responded, "I‘ve seen him on TV once, because there was nothing else to watch. Bunch of crap, this motivational stuff, if you ask me."

They went quiet, chewing on their fried duck and vegetables, since that was all the conversation they were able to muster. Instead of speaking, they silently enjoyed the comfort and companionship of each other after all the hardships from last night.

After dinner, the two men were barely capable of keeping their eyes open, but still went performing their before-bed ablutions.

Standing together at the wash basin in the small bathroom, Sebastian brushed his teeth while Joseph had already finished that and now washed his face. Sebastian‘s body tensed slightly, thinking of what he had done in the department‘s small bed room. It also made him sensitively aware of how often this situation had happened: he sleeping in Joseph‘s place, Joseph sleeping at his place - Dammit, each of them even had a tooth brush at the other man‘s flat.

Joseph got Sebastian a blanket and pillow, murmuring a "good night" absently and disappearing into his bedroom. His couch was fortunately big and rather soft, so it wouldn‘t be too terrible for Sebastian to sleep on it.

It wasn‘t long before Joseph fell asleep, giving in to weird dreams, different pictures and stances of Sebastian mingled, some pleasant, some unpleasant ones: Sebastian drunk on the couch, Sebastian brooding over a case file, Sebastian playing with Lily, Sebastian kissing Myra -

Sebastian kissing him -

He woke up to this image in the middle of the night, Sebastian‘s lips still hovering over his cheek, hoping that it might occur again -

"AAHRG!"

_Wha - ?_

Stumbling out of bed, because he wasn‘t fully awake yet, Joseph hurried to his living room. He forgot his glasses, but somehow grabbed his light-blue dress gown, putting it on while walking.

_That was Seb - !_

Since Joseph didn‘t bother to even turn any lights on, he couldn‘t see well in the dark, but it appeared as if Sebastian was sitting on the couch instead of lying.

Approaching him without a sound, Joseph switched on the lamp on the small table at the side of the couch.

"Ah!" Sebastian cried, scared by the sudden light. Joseph had witnessed Sebastian in many sorry states, but never like this: He was wedged into one corner of the couch, breathing heavily, hugging his pillow and was just in his underwear, a sleeveless white undershirt and some dark briefs.

"Are you okay?" Joseph worried, having completely woken up now and sitting next to Sebastian to have a better look at him. "What happened?"

So close to Sebastian, even withouth glasses, Joseph managed to make out the beads of sweat trickling down his face, and the eyes were opened in fright. Were there tears in them, too - ?

Hesitating, Sebastian answered: "I - I had a nightmare," he said in the end, gasping for air.

Joseph shook his head a bit in confusion, blinking rapidly at Sebastian. "Oh -" He always had the impression that the older man didn‘t seem to be the type who would react like this to a nightmare.

Sebastian avoided his friend‘s gaze. He didn‘t want Joseph to see him like this, although he must have seen him worse. Still, Sebastian was terribly embarrassed.

But then, maybe this was the moment to finally confess this to Joseph, and maybe it was better to do so. "I have nightmares since Lily‘s death - Not every night, but ever so often."

"Ah -" was the only thing Joseph could utter, bewildered. He also always had the impression that Sebastian wasn‘t the type who even had nightmares -

That was a silly thought, of course, why shouldn‘t he have them, after Lily?

_How could you have missed that - ?_

The nightmares explained many things though, especially the drinking, and after some time, an idea developed in Joseph‘s head.

"That‘s why you are drinking, right?" he asked. "So that you can sleep."

Calming down slowly, Sebastian again had to admire his friend‘s sharp mind and tried to raise the corners of his mouth. "Well, it‘s not the only reason, but certainly one of them -"

With a deep sigh, Joseph got up as if something was weighing him down. He went to the small cabinet at one side of the living room and took out the bottle of Japanese whiskey he had introduced to Sebastian the last time he had been here, to help him clean up his own flat some weeks ago. Joseph also brought two glasses and poured some of the golden liquid into them for them both.

***

"What do you want to tidy up here?" Sebastian turned his head into this and that direction in Joseph‘s living room.

"Well," Joseph hung his jacket on the hanger in his hall, „there‘s some dusting to do, I left some dishes in the sink, laundry, taking the garbage out -" He also took his gloves off.

After Joseph‘s 'cleaning rage' from last night in Sebastian‘s apartement, it was now Sebastian‘s turn to help Joseph clean up his flat, although 'cleaning' wasn‘t the right term to use here. Joseph must have been joking, because his flat looked almost spotless. There was a thin layer of dust here and there, and Sebastian was able to see some dishes in the kitchen sink.

Joseph‘s apartement was a bit bigger than Sebastian‘s, and with rather modern furniture. The hall had three doors with his bedroom, bathroom and pantry behind them, and led to the huge part living room, part kitchen. Sebastian hadn‘t been very often at his friend‘s place, and he had sometimes wondered how Joseph could afford one like this, in a new building close to Krimson City‘s center. But his partner was already neat with his clothes, and obviously with his flat, so it wasn‘t too farfetched that he was able to take better care of his finances that Sebastian.

"Okay then," Joseph said, "I first take care of my clothes, and after that the dishes, than the dust."

Somehow, Sebastian wasn‘t surprised that Joseph had a strict plan for cleaning. "What can I do do?" He shrugged his shoulders, feeling pretty useless here.

Already taking the garbage out of his trash can, Joseph handed the bag to Sebastian. "Here, take this to the garbage can on the left side of the building, in the small alley." He went to the sink to wash his hands and grabbed a small notebook on the coffee table in front of the couch, writing something on it. He ripped the page off and gave it to Sebastian. "Could you get me some things? You saw the supermarket when we drove here, right?"

Sebastian read the paper: toast, cereals, some vegetables, an apple juice; should be easy. "Sure, I can do that," he obliged, putting the paper into his coat pocket, and walking out of the flat‘s door.

He did with the garbage as told by the younger man, and went to the super market down the street. Searching for the groceries in it made Sebastian realise how comical the whole situation was: he and Joseph, they kind of behaved as if they were an old married couple. Considering how close they were, it really sometimes felt as if they were in a relationship, as if they really were a couple. Sebastian grinned, blushing a bit at that thought. What a stupid idea.

One after another, Sebastian found what Joseph had written on the paper at the store. At least he was occupied with something, although he had been tempted to buy a bottle of his usual whiskey brand, a cheap bourbon, passing the aisle with the alcoholic beverages.

_You seriously want to disappoint him on the very first day - ?_

Kind of dazed, Sebastian stayed in front of all the whiskey bottles. He had always liked drinking, the taste of the alcohol, the tipsy dizziness - But when Myra and Lily were still around, he would do this only at social occasions, and even then, he never had overdone it. Though Myra, and perhaps Joseph, hadn‘t exactly approved of it, but they probably had been aware that it had been his way of dealing with work, the cases, the pressure, the tragic deaths he had to investigate, and to look after his family inbetween all of that - So they kept silent about it.

He was sure that he could keep the drinking under control, or that was what he told himself, just like in the good old days. But the prior three years had been so hard and almost unbearable without the bottle - He really hoped that he could do better now for Joseph.

 _Joseph -_ The mental chaos he had because of Lily and Myra and Joseph wasn‘t the only cause for the drinking. It was also the nightmares he had since his daughter had died.

Lily burning over in over again in his sleep and in his mind.

Wanting to keep Myra, but not doing much or enough to make her stay, and the endless fights they had.

Not being able to tell Joseph about his feelings for him, in fear of being disgustedly chased away by him, and therefore losing him, too.

Dreaming that something terrible might happen to Joseph, which was a realistic scenario in their job, and regretting having missed so many opportunities to tell him after all, no matter what would happen next.

So many bad dreams and bad memories the last years.

And then, suddenly, Myra had briefly shown up in his life again -

But it had been too late. This time, Sebastian had – unconsciously or consciously - decided in favour of Joseph.

+++

A paper bag full of groceries in his arms, Sebastian returned to a Joseph who had taken a shower, his hair still wet. The washing machine could be heard from the bathroom.

"Did you already finish your household chores?" Sebastian inquired.

"Yes - I had to take a shower after this. Why?"

"Oh, nothing - I must have needed longer for your stuff than I thought."

Joseph checked the clock at the wall of the living room. "You were more than an hour away -" He took the paper bag out of Sebastian‘s hands. "Thank you for bringing this, I‘ll give you the money right away -"

"You don‘t have to," Sebastian opposed, "take it as part of my repayment to you."

His arms wrapped around the bag, Joseph stared shyly at Sebastian. "Alright then, let me at least cook something for you, it‘s already time for dinner. You can watch some TV, if you want to."

He went to the kitchen, beginning with cooking preparations. Although Joseph wasn‘t the best chef, the stuff he cooked was usually edible. Making food was maybe the one thing Joseph wasn‘t perfect in.

Sebastian slipped out of his coat, putting it on the hanger. Not in the mood for television, he just sat down at the kitchen table, observing the other man. Joseph was in, as he would call it, 'casual' wear, which actually were his usual dark trousers and white shirt he would always wear at work, but without a tie, vest, or his beloved gloves. It was as if Joseph always had avoided to be seen in comfy clothes like jogging pants or a t-shirt.

Looking down at himself, Sebastian felt a bit cringy about his own appearance. He had showered, too, before they went to Joseph‘s flat, but he was just wearing an old pair of jeans and a grey and black checkered shirt. Compared to Joseph, he appeared like a peasant.

"Let me help you," he then proposed, getting up from the table, to keep himself away from these awkward thoughts.

+++

It had been a long day; after waking up late, breakfasting late, going late to Joseph‘s flat, they ate their dinner – curry rice with some of the vegetables Sebastian had bought – and settled in front of the small flat screen TV to watch a movie. Their options were a crime mystery and a comedy - They decided for the comedy.

Before the film started, Joseph walked over to a small, wooden and very elegantly carved cabinet standing at a wall of the living room.

"There is something I would like to show you," he announced.

The cabinet was the only thing that had a rather old-fashioned design. Perhaps it was an heirloom from his family, or it was an antiquity Joseph had found. He took out a whiskey bottle and two glasses out of it and set everything on the coffee table.

"Now you‘re enabling me," Sebastian chided.

Joseph snorted, letting two fingers of the liquor into the glasses. "You won‘t get the whole bottle!" Sebastian noticed the outlandish characters on the bottle‘s label before Joseph put the bottle back into the cabinet. "It‘s whiskey from Japan, and it‘s just for relishing some better stuff than yours."

Sebastian lifted his glass and was about to take a gulp.

_He doesn‘t believe you will change anything._

He hesitated. Joseph was probably right for not believing into him. Sebastian himself didn‘t know if he was going to stop drinking, at least the heavy sort.

Watching Joseph swirling and smelling his drink and taking a small sip, Sebastian did the same. The taste _was_ definitely better, rolling smoothly over his tongue, leaving a rich flavor on it after he swallowed. Nothing like the cheap whiskey he‘d normally drink, often leaving an ugly burn in his throat.

"It tastes very good," Sebastian uttered.

"It should," Joseph chuckled, "the bottle costed me a hundred bucks."

Sebastian almost let his glass drop.

+++

Joseph had fallen asleep during the comedy film. It hadn‘t been his humour, and the hangover finally got the better of him. He had sunk back into the couch, snoring quietly, the glasses slightly ajar on his nose.

Sebastian was still awake, zapping through the TV channels, but not paying much attention to it, because he was too distracted by Joseph next to him. The subtle scent of his mint shampoo was wafting to Sebastian -

Again, there was this absurd feeling how much they resembled a couple being in a serious relationship. He might just put his arm around Joseph‘s shoulder, pulling him close. What if he would actually do this and Joseph woke up to it? Maybe he wouldn‘t mind, being too tired anyway after last night, and Sebastian knew that he wouldn‘t - misunderstand it. But maybe it would make Joseph uncomfortable, something Sebastian also didn‘t want to.

In the end, there was only one way to find out, right?

Moving his arm, Joseph began to stir. "Hmph..." He opened his eyes, stretched out his arms and then slowly stood up from the couch. "I‘m going to bed -" he mumbled, "do you want to stay over night?"

"Yeah, if you don‘t mind..." It had been another stupid idea anyway.

"Then I‘ll go and get you your blankets and pillow."

***

The next day, during breakfast, Joseph had apologised for giving Sebastian the whiskey.

"I‘m really sorry, I shouldn‘t have done that," he had said, shoving his cereals around in the bowl in front of him, "I guess it was just - nice to have someone to drink this stuff in company."

Sebastian, drinking his coffee, gazed into his mug in a bit of wonder. So, Joseph _was_ already having some booze when alone - Had he brought him that far? He didn‘t want him to feel guilty, of course. "It‘s okay. It wasn‘t much, and it didn‘t want me to have more. I was actually flattered that you would share this expensive stuff with me -" And it had tasted great. Sebastian couldn‘t remember when he had drunk whisky just for its taste.

Now, weeks later, they sipped their whiskey in silence. Sebastian, the pillow lying in his lap, glimpsed every now and then at Joseph, who had sleepy eyes; he was leaning forward, supporting his upper body with his elbows on his knees, wearing a black t-shirt, some grey sweatpants and a dress gown. He realized that it it was the first time he would see Joseph in something so casual. He looked so very different -

And sweet.

The withdrawal also had caught up to Sebastian. His mind and body had been kept busy with the case, so that it hadn‘t really started yet. But now, with the killers caught and finally getting some rest, the cold turkey took full force. Joseph‘s whiskey helped a little, too.

"Do you know why I drank even more the last months?" Sebastian suddenly queried between two sips, staring into his glass to keep these odd feelings away and to have something to concentrate on.

Joseph turned at Sebastian a bit and focused at his friend‘s left hand. At the left ring finger, to be precise.

"You‘re not wearing your wedding band anymore," he noted, "for about three, or four months?"

Of course Joseph had noticed. But as most of the time, he had waited for Sebastian to break the topic.

"She filed for divorce about half a year ago," he began. "When I went to the appointment with her lawyer, I was half-drunk, or drunk, I don‘t remember -"

Taking another sip wordlessly was Joseph's only response.

"She actually had considered returning to me, working on our problems, but she was quite shocked seeing me in this state - And she already had a new partner, too."

Sebastian paused, waiting for another reaction from Joseph -

Nothing.

"Anyway," he continued, "I signed the papers so that she can start a new life."

"So you got rid of the ring - to let her go..." Joseph finally answered.

"Yeah, sort of -"

They went quiet again.

Joseph finished his last drop. "Why didn‘t you want to be with her again?"

After setting his empty glass on the table, Sebastian propped his elbow on the arm rest of the couch, putting his chin into his hand. It was clear in which direction Joseph was hinting.

Well, now was as good as any time. "Listen, I‘m really sorry about - what happened some time ago between us. My drinking wasn‘t only because of Myra and Lily, you were also - kind of in the picture.“

"What do you mean?"

Sebastian inhaled, palming his face. "God, how shall I explain this - ? Joseph, you‘re always with me, for so many years, now more than back then with my wife and daughter - And no matter how I treated you or how drunk I‘ve been - and I thought…“ He went back to supporting his head, not looking at Joseph. "Like I said that night, I saw things in you that I just wanted to see."

" - You‘re not denying anything, and you‘re not looking for excuses? Like, you were tired or stressed or anything like that?"

"Hrmphh… Yes, I was tired and stressed and everything else… But the main motivation - was you."

Joseph jolted up. He wondered if he misunderstood, and needed a moment to think about this.

_Does that mean he - ?_

For a while, they just sat there, both looking in front of them into nothingness, not sure what to say or do next.

Would Joseph‘s hopes really come true now, after so much time and endurance? Should he tell Sebastian? His heart was racing and beating up into his throat.

"Seb," Joseph huffed, not being able to look Sebastian into the eye while saying what he was about to say, "it‘s not that you saw things in me that you wanted to see - it‘s rather you saw them because they are there.“

Sebastian lifted his head, glancing at Joseph‘s profile. He slowly grasped the meaning of the younger man‘s words, and his eyes widened as a result.

Baffled, the only thing he could utter, rather quietly, was: "You - you never told me anything -"

Joseph clawed his hands into the edge of the couch. "Ha - You were married, Seb, remember? Didn‘t seem much like you were interested in men - What good would it have done, other than - probably just quarrelling and you being disgusted by me... And after Lily and Myra, you had enough problems. I figured I would have been just another one."

"Joseph!" Sebastian protested, "I would never -"

"How should I have known that?!"

They were facing each other now, and Sebastian recognised all the despair, anger and fear in Joseph‘s expression. The very same feelings that had plagued himself since he came to know his partner - He had to think how, for so many years, there had been no way out for Joseph, always denying himself for the happiness of himself and his family, always being there, always being helpful, never being a burden -

"What about you, then? What about these last three years?" Joseph demanded.

"What should I have done - ? I - I couldn‘t just pop up at your doorstep and say: 'Hey, Jo, my child‘s dead, my wife‘s gone, now we can finally be together!' What if _you_ had been disgusted by me?"

He had a point there, Joseph had to admit. How ironic that both would literally live and feel and think past each other the past ten years -

Sebastian cleared his throat. "Besides that: One of the reasons why I drank for your sake was that - I didn‘t want you to be some sort of replacement for my wife, for my family -"

Chuckling bitterly, Joseph shook his head. When he calmed down, he confided: "Well, you and Myra and Lily - you‘ve always been a substitute family for me..."

His voice had gotten lower and lower when he had confessed this. Somehow, Sebastian wasn‘t surprised about this statement. Joseph‘s family lived far away, and he surely missed them. There also weren‘t many friends around, or not any Sebastian was much aware of.

It also made clear why Joseph would babysit Lily so often; he actually had been the most reliable babysitter for her.

And the girlfriends? They may have been Joseph‘s attempts to get over Sebastian -

But - Couldn‘t they just -

Since everything was out now, Sebastian could practically reach out to Joseph, raising his hand to his hair, running through the dark strands to comfort him - maybe do a bit more… It wouldn‘t be a problem at this point, right - ?

Instead of that, Sebastian watched Joseph burying his face in his hands, making a noise somewhere between a groan and a sob. He was terribly exhausted by their conversation. This was all too much to bear - As if in trance, he stood up from the couch. "I‘m going back to bed."

Just at the door out to the hall, he said flatly without turning to Sebastian: "If you think you can‘t be alone after this nightmare of yours - you can sleep in my bed, too."

\---

For some minutes, Sebastian pondered his next steps. In the end, he got up from the couch, too, packing the pillow and blankets under his arm, accepting Joseph‘s offer. His nightmares had often made him feel lonely, wishing Joseph would be close to him. It was probably very selfish to think like that, but - why not take the chance?

Silently, he entered Joseph‘s bedroom, closing the door behind him. The pillow and blankets he had brought were there just in case, because he wasn‘t really sure what Joseph was up to. Considering how beat-up his partner had looked during their talk, Sebastian would do nothing more than sleeping beside him. Though his longing for him had become stronger since they had gotten the MU Cult murder case -

Sebastian tiptoed into the room, not sure why. He had been very seldomly in this bedroom, there was never any reason for it.

Until now.

The first thing he noticed was Joseph‘s bed; the lights from the street allowed Sebastian to see that the bed wasn‘t small enough to be for one person, but also not big enough to be called a double bed; it must have been custom-made.

Lingering at the side of it, this piece of furniture made Sebastian stupidly uncomfortable: Why did it have this odd size? And more importantly, with how many people had Joseph shared it with? Sebastian recalled how Joseph couldn‘t maintain a relationship for very long - After all, he didn‘t knew much about his friend‘s love life.

Some jealousy began to rise into his head. Perhaps Joseph might always have had Sebastian in his mind. Should he have hoped to ever be with Sebastian, or should he have hoped to finally find someone else and move on from Sebastian - ?

_It‘s just a bed, you idiot -  
_

Joseph was lying on the left side of the bed, turned to the window. Sebastian couldn‘t discern if he was awake or not.

Suddenly stirring, Joseph moved around a bit and opened the blanket to give Sebastian some space on the mattress. "Ah, you came," he mumbled sleepily, "hop in, it‘s cold, especially in your spare clothes." He then turned away again.

Sebastian squeezed his bedding for a moment, his mouth tightening to a straight line; then, he put his pillow next to Joseph and brought the blankets to a chair nearby. He sat on the mattress and inhaled deeply, as if he was about to plunge into a water pool. Finally, he stretched out on the bed, pulled the blanket over him, and turned to Joseph.

Curious at what might occur next, if at all, Sebastian propped his head into the crook of his arm. Should he expect anything? Very likely not, since Joseph‘s calm breathing indicated otherwise. It would have been so nice to hold him, after all the years, all the hardships and craving, all the ignorance and pretending -

Listening to his thoughts and Joseph‘s breath, his own exhaustion steadily lulled Sebastian into sleep, when -

"Seb?"

"Hhmm..?"

"There is something else I should tell you -"

Joseph‘s tone in his voice, for some reason, woke Sebastian from his drowsiness. "Yeah, what?"

The younger man needed a second. "It‘s just that," he gulped, "sometimes I was glad that all these terrible things had happened to you and your family."

Sebastian stayed quiet, wide-eyed. A bit shocked, he swallowed, because there wasn‘t anything he could say. Hell, he couldn‘t even be angry with Joseph, after everything he had endured in the past.

"I‘m sorry," Joseph said.

" - Kind of makes sense after - well, basically everything."

Joseph slowly turned around. "But then," he murmured, "I most of the time wish Lily hadn‘t died and Myra hadn‘t left you." He came closer and placed his hands on Sebastian‘s chest, giving him a long kiss.

On his lips.

Sebastian froze in surprise, but second by second melted into Joseph‘s lips. But just when he intended for the kiss to be more demanding, Joseph retreated; he nestled his own head on the shoulder Sebastian wasn‘t lying on, facing away from the older man. "The prize was far too high to get to this here. And I never wanted you to be so unhappy."

The only thing Sebastian was able to do now was to put his arms around Joseph – words would have failed him anyway in this situation - , and ran one of his palms soothingly over the back. He felt Joseph‘s fast heart beat, through his own chest and through his hand on the back. It wasn‘t any different for himself. Joseph responded by wrapping his arms around Sebastian‘s hip, sighing a little.

They both knew that Joseph had been a replacement, was always a replacement, after all. Sebastian had decided that years ago, when he had married Myra to lead a 'normal' life, treating Joseph like some sort of back-up, in case his wife would leave him or die, who knew -

But Sebastian promised himself that he would never let Joseph _feel_ like a replacement. No chance that he would lose him again, like back then, when he had decided in favor of Myra -

He kissed Joseph‘s temple, and they both slowly fell asleep, happy to finally hold each other in their arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this would be basically the end of the story, but I decided to add two more extra chapters 8) .


	7. Bonus Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should have called this chapter... boner chapter.
> 
> So, originally, I hadn't intended to write smut, but then I thought... why not giving these two a break from all the unnecessary drama...
> 
> I never wrote smut before, so you have to bear with me. And it's probably very OOC...
> 
> You don't have to read this if you don't like smut, the chapter doesn't add anything to the main story.
> 
> Oh, and I don't condone of unprotected sex outside of fiction.

"Sebastian?"

" - Hhmmm?"

"Maybe you should - wake up?" Joseph‘s husky voice sounded quite - amused?

Slowly, Sebastian opened his eyes; he was still embracing Joseph. Faint sunlight was coming through the windows, so some hours must have passed since they had gone to bed. Some hours of peaceful slumbering, together with Joseph -

The peacefulness whisked away as soon as he understood why Joseph seemed to be entertained: Sebastian had grown quite hard during the night.

"I‘m - I‘m sorry -" he stuttered, color rising hotly in his cheeks. This wasn‘t really going the way he wanted to.

Joseph hid his face in Sebastian‘s neck, kissing it while chuckling softly into it. The chuckle tickled Sebastian.

"I don‘t mind," Joseph whispered, "perhaps we can do something about it -" One of his hands slid down to Sebastian‘s crotch and squeezed it gently. He also raised his head to kiss Sebastian, just in time to catch the surprised moan he had caused the older detective.

Perhaps this was going the way Joseph wanted it to -

Encouraged, Sebastian grabbed Joseph‘s firm behind, pushing his hips further into his own, and realized, in somewhat of a relief, that his partner was equally hard.

"Aww -!" Joseph threw his head back in response, giving way to his throat to Sebastian, who took the opportunity to put his lips on it, or to nibble teasingly on the sensitive skin.

Slinging his leg around Sebastian‘s hip, Joseph turned on his back, inviting the other man to lie on top of him.

Sebastian wasn‘t shy to accept this invitation. He had been very pent-up the last months around Joseph, flushing this feeling down with more bourbon than usual. Not to mention that he was also very curious now, and obviously, the young man was very eager, too, kissing Sebastian with a fervor he hadn‘t expected, their tongues literally fighting. No wonder, after waiting and waiting and waiting -

"Oh, God, Joseph -“ Sebastian mumbled between kisses, holding him as close as possible.

He had some difficulty to settle into Joseph‘s small hips, those oh so terribly sexy hips - It was very different from being with a woman.

Nevertheless, Sebastian began to move, and was again surprised at how much it would turn him on to press his crotch against another man‘s cock. A while ago, he had watched gay porn, and though it had turned him on a bit, it mostly had left him a bit disturbed and confused. And though he knew that porn was far away from realistic - could he really do these kind of things with Joseph - ?

But this, this here with Joseph underneath him, this was it. Feeling every fiber of him in everyone of his thrusts, kissing him on his lips, face, neck and wrapping his arms around him was clearly far better than any porn.

"Seb, wait -" Joseph interrupted him. He signified Sebastian to lift himself, giving him some space. He then pulled the front of his pants down, together with his underwear, to free his erect member and balls from its restrain. Coyly, Joseph smiled up to Sebastian.

The sight of Joseph‘s cock put an idea into Sebastian‘s mind, but maybe this idea was something for later… He grinned, tugged at his own briefs, presented his own excitement, and lowered himself again on Joseph.

Sebastian just continued where Joseph had stopped him. At the first move, the friction was almost unbearable, one cock gliding against the other. Joseph‘s hips met his own at the right moment with his movements. They corresponded in near perfection; it seemed they knew each other _that_ well after so many years -

Every now and then, Sebastian caught a glimpse of Joseph in the little bit of morning light they had: panting heavily, his eyes were shut, his lids fluttered, and his whole expression was glowing from rapture. A tiny smile was playing around his red swollen lips, and small moans were escaping his mouth occasionally. Even in this situation, Joseph somehow kept himself in control.

Whereas Sebastian was groaning like an animal.

"You feel so damn good - !"

Should the neighbors think whatever they wanted.

He was always very loud during sex, and Myra had often scolded him for waking up Lily. The only way to quiet him was when Joseph crushed their mouths together, very much enjoying the sounds his lover was making.

Suddenly, Sebastian halted. He got up to let them both rest a moment, hovering over Joseph. Whas there a hint of disappointment in his face?

Then it was certainly time to put the idea from earlier into practice.

At first, Sebastian pecked tenderly at Joseph‘s lips, but that was just the beginning of a trail down the throat. Shoving the black t-shirt up, Sebastian kept going on the younger man‘s chest, smacking sloppy kisses on the smooth skin, and went further down the stomach and abdomen, down to the dark pubic hair -

"Sebastian, what - ?"

The older man kneeled in front Joseph, caressing the inside of the thighs on each of his side, and admired for some seconds the sweaty mess that he had already made out of him. Sebastian then took the member in front of him in his hand to stroke it powerfully. Joseph propped himself on his elbows, exhaling lustily to show how much he liked this.

His eyes in a daze, Sebastian stared at the cock‘s head while bending down to it. "I never did this before, but I‘ll try my best -" he announced.

"No, you don‘t have - !"

But it was too late: Sebastian engulfed the tip with his mouth, and began to suck it.

The wet heat overwhelmed Joseph, who fell on his back again only to arch it, crying out loud for the first time. He then used his lower arm to cover his mouth, not daring to be so noisy. Sebastian‘s lips changed into a triumphing grin, the tightening of his mouth adding to Joseph‘s delight.

Fucking Joseph with his mouth had always been one of his favorite fantasies. Myra had given him a few blow jobs, and Sebastian mimicked the movements he remembered from her. Since Joseph was also a man, it shouldn‘t be too hard to give him pleasure with this method.

Despite his mouth being occupied, Sebastian still wasn‘t very quiet. Bobbing his head up and down, his moaning literally vibrated through Joseph‘s body, letting a sensational feeling shoot up from his crotch up his spine. Joseph kept covering his own mouth with one arm, but his other hand searched out for the other man‘s dark brown hair, half pulling it, half pushing Sebastian‘s head down.

"Seb, I - I can‘t anymore -" Joseph managed to say, more a sigh than actual words.

He couldn‘t hold it any longer; his hips jerked fiercely, and he came with a low moan. Sebastian just took what Joseph gave him and swallowed it down absentmindedly. He sat back on his heels and wiped the saliva from his mouth with his arm, making a satisfied sound.

Though sitting like this made it plain that Sebastian wasn‘t satisfied at all, his cock throbbing.

"We have to do something about you -" Joseph remarked after a few breaths, smiling with a mischievous glint his gaze. He shifted to his nightstand, lying half on his side, half on his front, and opened a drawer, rummaging in it. Still panting, he handed Sebastian a small plastic jar.

Sebastian turned the thing around in his hand. He couldn‘t read the words on top of it, there still wasn‘t enough light, despite the dawning of the sun. "What is that?" he finally asked.

Joseph kept lying in his awkward position, his legs splayed about, pushing his jogging pants completely down to offer his buttocks.

"Oh -" was Sebastian‘s initial reaction. "Are you sure about this? I don‘t want to brag, but I‘m -"

"You‘re not the first man I‘m doing this with," Joseph interfered, smirking into the pillow.

They were moving way too fast with everything, Sebastian thought. But then, they had also waited for so long, for each other -

Grunting, Sebastian took his undershirt off. He screwed the jar open and coated his cock with the lube. Not sure how much he should use, Sebastian applied rather too much than too less, because he, of course, didn‘t want to hurt Joseph.

He grabbed one of the behind‘s cheeks, lifting it a bit, to get a better view of Joseph‘s entrance. Sebastian carefully pushed the head of his cock inside, provoking a lewd sound from Joseph.

Apparently, this was alright, so Sebastian slowly went further in, up to the hilt.

"Slides easily in," he grumbled, "you are well-trained, Joseph."

Joseph didn‘t respond and focused on breathing, clawing at the pillow and sheets. He hadn‘t been stretched like this in quite a while, and it felt incredibly good.

Sebastian leaned on one of his arms, holding on to Joseph‘s hip, and began to move his hips back and forth cautiously. "I hope I‘m the last man you‘re doing this with -"

It wasn‘t easy for him, because he and his cock had a great time, but Sebastian forced himself to pull out and push in very slowly and carefully. He would have liked to do this less contained, as he was used to, but Sebastian hadn‘t done it anally yet and kept being anxious about hurting Joseph. On a fine day in the future, he would let Joseph fuck him in the same manner; if Joseph had the guts to take a cock up in his ass, it should be possible for Sebastian, too.

They stayed like this for several minutes; Joseph panted into the pillow, grasping the sheets underneath him. He grew hard again, but something was missing -

"Seb, if you want to be the last man I‘m doing this with, you shouldn‘t treat me like I‘m made out of glass -" Joseph hissed.

That was the last straw, and Sebastian couldn‘t hold back any longer. Joseph, who had proven so in the past many times, was able to endure a lot, so why shouldn‘t he be able to get a good pounding? He obviously could use one -

Sebastian crawled over Joseph‘s behind, one leg on each side. He adjusted the younger man‘s position to have better access to him. One hand had to support him to stay over Joseph, the other hand tightened his grip on the small hip. Increasing his pace moment by moment, Sebastian‘s thrusts became stronger, and the sound of slamming his own hips against Joseph‘s butt mingled with his groans.

"Your ass is so hot and tight -!" he huffed too audibly; again, Sebastian didn‘t care about the neighbors.

Beneath him, Joseph bucked wildly with the thrusts. His cries, evidence of how much he was pleased by being treated so roughly, and by the man he had never thought would do so, were muffled by the pillow. He didn‘t need long to come, the feeling of total bliss spreading throughout his body, like his cum on the sheets underneath him.

The orgasm made Joseph‘s hole even tighter, and Sebastian went over the edge soon, bursting inside Joseph with some hefty swear words.

He pumped every last drop into Joseph, before he collapsed on top him, both trying to catch their breaths, both bathed in glistening sweat. Sebastian gently uncoupled them to lie beside him, and wrapped his arms around Joseph‘s chest and belly. Joseph gave into the spooning, a quiet smile gracing his exhausted expression.

"Thank you - so much - for everything, Joseph..." Sebastian gasped into the other man‘s ear.


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a small bonus chapter to wrap up a few things :) .

A year had passed since that eventful night. Sebastian and Joseph were returning to Beacon from a small shopping trip with Leslie; Mr. Victoriano had given the hospital a very generous donation, as a token of gratitude for helping to recover his son, mostly safe and sound

About three months ago, the case of the MU Cult kidnappings and murders had been closed, and Ms. Gutierrez, or rather her superiors, had allowed regular visits to Leslie by the two detectives. Today, the three had looked for some new clothes and toys for the kid, that‘s why Leslie was humming happily walking between Joseph and Sebastian, each of the men holding one of the boy‘s hands.

***

The trial went down rather fast. With Theodore Wallace as main culprit, the whole trial had caused quite a stir, making national news almost daily. It had been established that the members of the cult had tortured the poor children, while Wallace carried out the killings during their rituals. His lawers had pleaded for insanity, stating that Wallace and his followers believed that they would gain immortality and youthfulness by torturing and murdering children, literally pressing the lives out of the small bodies to absorb their energy. Terribly, it turned out that they did this for more than a year now, which meant more victims the police hadn‘t discovered yet; Kidman had done a very thorough job with her investigation to bring this cult into the light. And though, according to its members, the group existed for about ten years, Wallace had prepared them for a long time for this task.

The jury didn‘t bought the insanity plea, but the story was believable enough to spare Wallace from the death penalty, and he was sentenced to life inprisonment like the rest of the cult members.

Liam O‘Neal, who had kidnapped Leslie and Ruben, had admitted that Ruben had been a substitute for Leslie. Wallace had seen Leslie only once, and usually he wouldn‘t see his victims again until the day he would kill them; then Leslie had managed to escape, and O‘Neal was "afraid of our leader‘s wrath" if Wallace had found out about it. He had feared him so much that he grew bold enough to kidnap a well-known kid like Ruben Victoriano to replace Leslie – as long as the boy looked the same...

The two surviving boys had also testified against Wallace and his people. At first, they would sit in another room, giving their statement via camera into the court room, but the group‘s attorneys had insisted that Leslie and Ruben would identify the two main defendants in person.

Ruben had only been able to identify O‘Neal, so everything depended on Leslie, a kid with a mental disability… But Leslie had stayed firm about the identification, and when Wallace‘s and O‘Neal‘s lawyers tried to grill both of them, fortunately, the judge would have none of it.

Sebastian had been very proud of Leslie that moment. He and Joseph weren‘t able to talk to him, their chief fearing that it might corrupt the trial somehow. But they had attended every appointment at court and had given their statements. When it came out that there had been more dead children, Sebastian had clenched his fist in anger, anger against the cult, anger against himself for not finding out earlier about these killings - Joseph had been sitting next to him, and put his gloved hand soothingly over Sebastian‘s trembling fist.

Ms. Gutierrez had also been at court, to support Leslie, and as a witness. When the trial was over, Joseph had asked her if it was possible to visit Leslie.

"It would mean a lot to us, especially to Sebastian - I mean, detective Castellanos," he had told her.

"Hmm… I can‘t promise anything, but I will see what I can do," the nurse responded, "Leslie had been asking about you two, also, you know," she added, winking with one eye.

It was acknowledged that the two men were actually a good influence for the boy, and surely two police officers could be trusted seeing him, taking him out of the hospital to change his routine a bit; Leslie was lucky that someone outside of Beacon cared about him.

***

"Ah, there you are," Ms. Gutierrez greeted them after they came back from the shopping and entered her office. She was writing something, but stood gladly up to receive them. "You had fun?"

"Yes, lots of fun!" Leslie answered.

"He couldn‘t decide what plush toy he wanted," Sebastian smiled, "the typical kid in the toy store."

"Can we stay a little longer to play? Leslie expressed that wish earlier to us, and of course he can‘t wait to try out his new stuff," inquired Joseph.

"I want to play with Seb and Jojo!" Leslie repeated his wish.

The nurse chuckled. "I guess that‘s not a problem, but only for an hour," she raised her index finger.

The three were about to go to the direction of Leslie‘s room, but Ms. Gutierrez held Joseph back. "I would like to talk to you."

Confused, Joseph let Leslie and Sebastian go ahead, the older detective throwing a wondering glance over his shoulder at him.

Ms. Gutierrez waited until Sebastian and Leslie were out of earshot. "Don‘t worry, detective, it‘s nothing bad I want to talk to you."

"What is it then?" Joseph hoped he didn‘t sound too irritated. 

The nurse let her gaze wander a bit nervously around. "It is probably a stupid question, and a very blunt one," she touched his shoulder, "but I‘m asking for Leslie‘s sake."

"Oh, okay -" Joseph grumbled, still not sure what was going on, "then ask, please."

" - You and detective Castellanos are a couple, right?"

It sure was odd to get this kind of question; Joseph clasped his hands behind his back, and answered hesitantly: "Ehm, yes -"

"I‘m sorry to ask like this. I don‘t want to pry or anything, and of course it‘s none of my business. Although I‘m wondering that you‘re not really showing it. Do you have to keep it a secret because of your work?"

The young man needed some time to reply. "No - yes - well, it‘s complicated -"

***

Sebastian and Joseph were together now for over two months, and had just moved into their joint flat. They hadn‘t seen much sense in living in separated places anymore – after all, they had lived, well, _almost_ like a couple for about two years now…

A free weekend ahead, they had done their groceries, and Joseph began preparing their lunch while Sebastian had a cup of coffee, sitting at the kitchen table. He had a newspaper, but wasn‘t much interested in it; he rather enjoyed observing his partner – not the detective one – moving about at the kitchen counter. Joseph‘s cooking skills had improved the past weeks, though it wasn‘t always him who cooked, and Sebastian often helped him otherwise.

Some sort of normality slowly descended onto their lives and their relationship. After their mutual confessions, they had mostly concentrated on their physical needs, both men starving for affection and intimacy, with so many years of longing for each other. They had discovered sides of each other they hadn‘t expected... And though the fire between them would often enough flaring up, it had mostly calmed down to a glowing warmth.

Only recently, talking became more and more important.

"Say," Sebastian started, "you told me that you‘ve been with other men - Did you ever have a serious relationship, a boyfriend?"

Joseph scratched his chin. "Hmmm… I had a few, or let‘s say, I had several attempts on serious relationships with guys."

"Why did you never introduce any of them? You introduced your girlfriends."

The younger detective rolled his eyes. "Well - I‘ve never been long enough with them to consider presenting him to anyone. You know how people give you are square look when you like guys, and it had to be someone worth it to endure all the stares and comments. Not to mention that I had to explain this to my parents -"

"So - I am worth the looks and comments?"

Turning to Sebastian, Joseph crossed the small distance between the counter and the table to bend down and place a kiss on Sebastian‘s head.

"Of course you are," Joseph said quietly, already smelling deliciously a bit from the spices he was using. He stroke Sebastian‘s hair for a moment, and then went back to fill water into a pot.

Cheeks tinting slightly, Sebastian took some sips of his mug. He still couldn‘t understand why Joseph wanted to be with him; maybe the young man also didn‘t understand it completely. Joseph hardly had any vices, even his skin was flawless, though his cleanliness and neatness was scary at times; Sebastian, on the other hand, with his drinking, his scars, his terrible moods - Not to mention that he was almost ten years older than Joseph. At least Sebastian had been able to reduce the drink to an acceptable level, and Joseph and he would have a glass of the precious Japanese whiskey once in a while.

"And if you don‘t mind, Seb," Joseph interrupted the other man‘s musings, smirking, "Christmas and New Year‘s isn‘t so far away anymore, and I would like to - 'explain' you to my parents..."

Sebastian almost choked on his coffee.

\---

Though relationships between officers weren‘t prohibited at the Krimson City police, they had to be reported to a superior. So shortly before they moved into their new appartement, Sebastian and Joseph went to the chief.

"Well, detective Castellanos," the chief responded after their declaration, "you certainly made it quite a habit of yours to fall in love with your colleagues -"

Sitting in front of the chief‘s desk, Joseph had to suppress a chuckle at this. The younger detective had done the talking, and Sebastian was standing at the other end of the room, next to the door, his arms crossed. He actually blushed after the chief‘s reply, and averted his gaze to the side, away from Joseph and his boss. Myra had been his detective partner before Joseph, who, back then, had been working with Connelly most of the time.

"You don‘t mind that we‘re men?" Joseph asked, rather too boldly in Sebastian‘s mind.

Their chief widened his eyes, blowing his cheeks. "No comment on that -" He paused, looking around on his desk while leaning on it with his elbows. "But I would appreciate it if you could keep your - affections outside of work."

The two men had anticipated something like this from their chief. What Joseph and Sebastian hadn‘t anticipated was that rumours about them spread really fast, though relationships between officers were not announced in any way in the department.

But somehow, hardly anyone was really surprised at this point. Only Connelly seemed to be scandalized, answering with a "I thought you were together now for a year or so!", embarrassment in his voice, after they had affirmed the rumours to him.

Fortunately, they were too much respected as police officers for any kind of snarky remarks, but it also helped that they kept it quiet as the chief had asked them to.

The only kind of affection they would show to each other during work would be the cup of coffee Joseph would bring to Sebastian in the morning, though now with a calm but bright smile. And later, as usual, the older detective would do the same for Joseph. He noticed, as always with some amusement, how Joseph, also always, would let his hand stay a tad bit too long over his own.

***

Joseph continued: "It would be - kind of controversial in our job, though we are allowed to be together, so we just don‘t want to display much of our relationship in public."

Ms. Gutierrez nodded in understanding. "I‘m asking because I wanted to tell you that Leslie is still up for adoption," she sighed, "he always was. And since you two get along so well with Leslie -"

The implied question stunned Joseph a bit. He had contemplated often if it was possible to adopt Leslie, but thought that it was too soon to consider, so he hadn‘t inquired, or discussed it with his partner.

"I know it‘s a lot to ask for," Ms. Gutierrez hurried to say, "and I wanted to talk to you first, because of detective Castellanos‘ past."

During their visits, Sebastian, Joseph and the nurse grew a bit closer, so Sebastian eventually told him about Myra and Lily.

"That‘s the point, I guess," Joseph exhaled, "so I can‘t promise anything. But yes, I will talk with Sebastian about it..."

\---

In the early evening, Joseph and Sebastian finally parted from Leslie and the nurse.

"We‘ll try to come again next weekend," Sebastian announced.

The two men were strolling cozily towards the iron fence gate in front of Beacon Hospital, next to each other.

"You‘ve been very quiet during our time with Leslie," Sebastian suddenly said. "What did Ms. Gutierrez talk to you about anyway? I forgot to ask earlier -"

"Oh, well," Joseph hesitated. "she asked me if - maybe we could adopt Leslie..."

Letting his shoulders hang, Sebastian put his hands into the pockets of his coat. Somehow, the nurse‘s suggestion didn‘t came as a surprise, but it was still hard to process it.

"Joseph," he began, "I‘m not sure if I can do this -"

"- He wouldn‘t be a replacement for Lily," Joseph argued.

There it was again, Sebastian‘s weak spot. They both knew that this was far from true.

"I‘m sorry, Seb, I shouldn‘t have said that," the younger man apologised. "It‘s just - you know that I always wanted to have children."

Sebastian remembered how Joseph had told him years ago that he wanted to have kids, but that he just couldn‘t find the right partner… This wasn‘t just his decision anymore, he had to put Joseph into the equation.

But maybe the younger man had other motives, too.

Last Christmas, they actually had visited Joseph‘s parents in Canada. God, Sebastian hadn‘t been that nervous since he had asked Myra to marry him. Fortunately, the parents weren‘t too shocked about Joseph being with a man; he had confided to his mother once that he was also interested in men, so that she was able to 'prepare' his father in case of a steady boyfriend.

But there was surely some disappointment in the air about them because it had now become rather improbable that they would have grandchildren. And Joseph‘s mum wasn‘t very happy that her son was with a man so much older than himself.

***

It was the first Christmas without Lily and Myra, two days before the holy evening.

"I can stay here," Joseph offered, "I don‘t have to go to my parents."

"No, you go visit them… You only see them once a year, and I know how important they are to you," Sebastian replied.

"Or - you can come with me, you don‘t have to be alone..."

Sebastian chuckled. He was sitting at his office desk, and although it was before noon, he already had consumed one bottle of bourbon. The booze had become worse during December, with all the cheerful children around in town - Myra had left him in summer and moved in with a friend, and hadn‘t talked to him since then.

Without his wife and daughter, Sebastian didn‘t really know what to do with himself – aside from getting drunk in his favorite bar. He also didn‘t have any relatives left to stay with them.

More and more people had also turned away from him the past months. Only Joseph remained.

"Now how would that look like?" Sebastian snorted. "As if I were your boyfriend or something of that sort..."

Rubbing his palms over his face, Sebastian wouldn‘t notice how flabbergasted Joseph stared at him.

"No, no -" he added, "I don‘t want to interfere your time with your family."

The younger detective was standing at his desk, leaning against it with crossed arms. He uncrossed them in a gesture of defeat, a certain sorrow in his eyes. They had argued several times about this the last weeks, but Joseph wanted at least make Sebastian understand how afraid he was to leave him alone.

Remorse kicked into Sebastian at Joseph‘s helplessness. He didn‘t want to worry him, although he gave him every reason to do so.

"Besides that, I already took the Christmas and New Year‘s shift," he lied, "so I will be occupied." Sebastian could still ask to take these shifts; the chief was always happy to have as many people as possible at the department during the busy holidays.

Joseph exhaled audibly with some relief. "Then I will call you every day to check on you."

"You‘re not my mum, Joseph -"

"And if you don‘t answer your phone, or call back after an hour, I will return immediately to Krimson City," Joseph threatened and walked to Sebastian‘s desk; he bend over it and his face came rather close to the other man‘s. "And you don‘t want to disturb my time with my family, right?" He tried a smile.

Sebastian decided to agree to this at least. "Yeah, alright…"

"Oh, and -" Joseph stood up again, "don‘t overdo it, okay?"

In the end, the concern in Joseph‘s voice wasn‘t enough to stop Sebastian from drinking.

The Christmas shift was more horrible than ever. When Sebastian was younger and single, he had used to take that shift, and even back then, it was terrible, but now it had gone worse: more family murders, more suicides, more burglaries… Apparently, the whole town would go crazy during the holidays.

It was too much for Sebastian to bear without whiskey.

But he was glad when Joseph would call him every evening – Joseph of course knew that Sebastian would drink mostly on evenings - , because it did him kind of good and would keep his boozing at bay.

***

Would Joseph really want to adopt Leslie just to please his parents? Sebastian doubted that; his parents wouldn‘t agree too much with a disabled grandchild, either. And though Joseph initially had his difficulties with the boy, he had learned a lot from Sebastian how to get along with Leslie.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Joseph, Leslie could be quite a handful, with our job… It‘s one thing to visit him every once in a while, but another to _raise_ him."

Joseph stayed silent for a while, recollecting his thoughts for what he wanted to say. "We could offer him a home. You yourself told me how sad it is that Leslie calls the hospital his home."

"Yeah, but I don‘t think pity is the right reason to adopt Leslie," Sebastian countered bitterly. They reached the gate and he gripped the handle.

"You don‘t just pity him!" Joseph suddenly bursted out. " - You always beam with joy when we visit the kid and spend time with him… And I‘m sure you already thought about adoption, too."

Huffing, Sebastian looked back and forth between Joseph and the iron bars in front of him. Yes, he had thought about adopting Leslie, but to him, it was like -

Betraying Lily. Betraying his little girl -

"I also miss Lily," the younger man read Sebastian‘s mind, "but – and this is kind of hard for me to say – I rather want to give a disadvantaged child a proper place to live than mourn forever for a dead girl that just won‘t come back..."

As often, Joseph was right; it had been that level-headedness Sebastian had fallen for. But now, he was holding onto the gate as if it was a lifeline, closing his eyes.

"Do we have to decide it right at this moment?" he finally uttered after a while. "Can I at least have some to time to think properly about it?"

"Yes, sure," Joseph frowned. "That‘s actually what I was hoping for."

Sebastian got his cigarette pack out of his coat pocket. Since he wasn‘t drinking that much anymore, he had replaced the whiskey with cigarettes. Though Joseph had scolded him often about it, Sebastian kept it at a low rate, after a good meal, after a - well, good 'night' - and for situations like this.

He lighted one of the sticks. "Come on, let‘s go home," Sebastian said, pushing the handle down and swaying the gate door open.

But an idea stroke him, an idea probably contradicting adoption. "Let‘s just - contemplate for a second we want to adopt him," he started, walking out of the gate, "aren‘t only married couples allowed to adopt?"

Joseph stopped in his tracks and stayed behind a few steps; Sebastian moved around.

"What is it?" Sebastian asked, furrowing his brows.

"Well?" Joseph replied mysteriously, wringing his hands in front of him.

"Well - what?"

The younger man gave him a hopeful look, and Sebastian slowly took his meaning.

" - Is this a marriage proposal?!" Sebastian was blinking his eyelids rapidly.

Gulping, Joseph cast his eyes down. "I guess -"

Sebastian took another drag, turning his back on Joseph. Marriage for same-sex couples had been allowed some years ago, but it was still looked awkward upon. He didn‘t mind that, but he hadn‘t thought about it, and about marrying a man on top of it all; again, they were moving too fast, in Sebastian‘s opinion.

Joseph noticed that he had probably gone a little bit too far, so he approached Sebastian cautiously. "Seb, you don‘t have to decide that now either - "

"Yes, I will - I say it before I regret it," Sebastian abruptly groaned, still facing away from Joseph.

His eyes widening, Joseph smiled and quickly strode to Sebastian. Usually, he wouldn‘t do this, but Joseph was sure that this time it was alright, so he linked his arm with Sebastian‘s.

     The older man tensed at this sudden and public display of affection from his partner, but relaxed at Joseph‘s reassuring smile.

     They weren‘t at work right now, so it didn‘t matter. Slowly, and with the anticipation of a probable new part of their future together, they went down to their car.

     Maybe, one day, they would be able to tell Leslie about Lily, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it, THE END of this story. I think it drifted into utter silliness in the last two and a half chapters, but I wanted to give it a proper, though maybe a bit open, ending. Thank you so much for reading it and for all your comments during the last months while I was writing this ^^ .


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